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Series Preview: San Diego Padres @ Seattle Mariners

Seattle: 16-26
Padres: 15-26

GAMES

Game 1: Miguel Batista vs Chris Young
Game 2: Erik Bedard* vs Randy Wolf*
Game 3: Felix Hernandez vs Shawn Estes*

Well, I was right about the one game. Yay! I had a whole paragraph written about Washburn and what the Mariners might do and then they went ahead and already announced they were skipping his start. So, shoot. On the plus side, I get to see Felix for the third time this year instead of that asshole Bedard and his regressing self.

Randy Wolf was a pitcher I desperately stumped for this offseason. The Padres signed him for one year and $4.75 million guarenteed with some performance bonuses for games started and innings pitched that could push his salary to a maximum of $8.75 million. That's three less years and at leat $40 million less than Carlos Silva. Randy Wolf is better than Carlos Silva and is also left-handed. Padres = smart. Mariners = dumb. This is the sort of thing that fills me with confidence for our shot at first overall in 2009.

Likely Starters:
C Josh Bard
1 Adrian Gonzalez
2 Tadahito Iguchi
3 Kevin Kouzmanoff
S Khalil Greene
L Jerry Hairston
C Jody Gerut
R Brian Giles
D Probably someone who sucks

Adrian Gonzalez and Kevin Kouzmanoff were acquired in trades much in the favor of San Diego. Besides those two, the Padres have developed exactly one half of an offensive asset, that being Khalilbot. They are scoring 3.38 runs per game, worst in the bigs while the Ms are at 4.07 runs per game, 25th in the bigs. This is either going to be one incredibly boring series or it's going to one amazingly boring series. TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!

CONTEXT

This freefall has inspired a lot of self-examination by all of us between LL and USSM and thus, most every topic of the Mariners have been covered over the past few days. I know it sounds like a copout, but I'm just not sure what else there is to bring up. Jeremy Reed's OPS is still hovering about 1.000. He's probably a better bat than Griffey at this point and his glove is approximately runs better.

An Ibanez-Ichiro-Griffey outfield would be so stupid as to cause time itself to collapse in on itself. Acquiring Griffey only makes sense if it's as a DH, of which both Ibanez and Sexson already need to be and which Clement currently occupies because Kenji Johjima, who should be biding his time to Type A free agent status, is locked here for the next 3.75 years.

I'd like to continue pulling for the team to sign Bonds but they'd probably put him at 2B, so you know what? Screw you Mariners. Grow a clue.

THIS SERIES BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

Old Rasputin Imperial Stout
North Coast Brewing Company. Fort Bragg, CA

Pours with a delicious looking 3-finger tan creamy head that sticks around for quite awhile. It's muted on the nose with mellow chocolates and a little smoke. Little bits of coffee, oat and cocoa come through on the taste and the palate is both creamy and filling, as you'd expect from how it looks.

I cannot give this beer enough justice in words. It might be the perfect imperial stout so if that's a genre that you enjoy, you are only hurting yourself by not drinking more of this beer.

0 recs | Comment 152 comments

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Comments

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Looks like a heiroglyph.

100000?

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/milb-mariners/

by JY on May 15, 2008 5:22 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

durrr... Hieroglyph.

I before E and all that.

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/milb-mariners/

by JY on May 15, 2008 5:23 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Infinity?

Your favorite meme is dead

by Edanger6 on May 15, 2008 8:08 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

closer

but perhaps no longer on the right track

by Matthew on May 15, 2008 8:16 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

1,000,000,000?

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 8:41 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Closer to infinity, huh?

1,000,000,000,000?

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 8:52 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

What am I not getting?

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 8:55 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

...glottal stop?

Graham’s dad should get a real job.

by Jeff on May 15, 2008 9:00 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

FWIW, I'm pretty sure the only person who might know what I mean

by saying Graham’s dad might get it, is Graham and if Graham gets /that/ than I am officially scared about our brains being too similar.

In other words, that hint was helpful to nobody.

Do I enjoy obscure? Yes; yes I do.

by Matthew on May 15, 2008 9:03 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I know

I think runs = 3 runs

by Fin on May 15, 2008 9:04 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

0 maybe?

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 9:09 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

This

is why Plus it’d make sense Reed’s defense would be about 3 runs above Griffey’s.

by Fin on May 15, 2008 9:40 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Look at the sentence construct

why would “3” make sense?

by Jeff on May 15, 2008 9:14 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Because didn't you guys say Reed's glove

was overrated?

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 9:17 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Why can't scientists invent a time machine

already? Then we could go back in time and take back 1994 or 1995 Griffey.

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 9:21 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

You want broken wrist Griffey?

I suppose he’d be more productive than Cairo…but still.

Coldly devouring reason as if it were a delectable snack

by Frosty Raptor on May 15, 2008 9:25 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Fail.

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 9:32 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

In twenty years, when you're 60 years old,

you’ll finally see how my humor shines.

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 9:35 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I won't make it that long

because of all the drunk driving I do after every drink. Speaking of which, I just had some Rogue Chocolate Stout, time to go cut my brake line and go joyriding.

by Matthew on May 15, 2008 9:37 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

SCOTT NOT JERRY HAIRSTON

Determined, Jonesing Commentor

by I'm NOT Corco on May 15, 2008 9:38 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Well, seeing as how you'll be dead

of old age by then, it doesn’t matter.

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 9:41 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I'm no expert at wit nor will I claim to be

but you’re just not saying anything funny

Determined, Jonesing Commentor

by I'm NOT Corco on May 15, 2008 9:42 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Who says I'm trying to?

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 9:44 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

You wouldn't be making remarks like that

if you weren’t attempting to make people laugh

Determined, Jonesing Commentor

by I'm NOT Corco on May 15, 2008 9:45 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Who said that?

Cheeseburgers are delicious.

by Coach Owens on May 15, 2008 9:47 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I can't really respond to this without violating the TOS

so fill in the blanks with whatever you want

You’re a ___ individual

Determined, Jonesing Commentor

by I'm NOT Corco on May 15, 2008 9:48 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Well I know it means a very large number

I’m just not real caught up on my egyptology.

by OlSalty on May 15, 2008 9:30 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Coldly devouring reason as if it were a delectable snack

by Frosty Raptor on May 15, 2008 9:14 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Remind me to use this one

next time I want to obfuscate the number 6.

by Matthew on May 15, 2008 9:30 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

This is driving me crazy....

Okay… my guess is Graham’s number? Right track?
G1? From the gardiner number?

by marc w on May 16, 2008 10:00 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Three cheers for Old Rasputin!

And everything else North Coast makes.

by John Morgan on May 15, 2008 11:16 AM PDT   0 recs

I don't think it's too pricey.

I pay about 9 for a 4 pack, but given Rasputin is 9% and an average beer is about 4.5%, I think it’s pretty reasonable. Beer is one of my only real expenditures, but I’ve gotten to where I can’t drink crap, I swear it tastes like industrial effluent.

by John Morgan on May 15, 2008 1:55 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

you should come up in June for the ussm/ll event.

we can make it an all-awesome seattle sports blog summit and amongst you jeff derek and myself we might be able to destroy bars with our beer snobbiness alone

by Matthew on May 15, 2008 4:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I sense a "smug" cloud on the way.

I like midgets more than I should.

by Thingray on May 15, 2008 5:16 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

if I could rec something more than once, I would.

I mean, I can, by logging into other accounts, but that’s too much work for me.

by Matthew on May 15, 2008 6:20 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Absolutely delicious beverage.

Even better on tap.

...and now I'm here

by Librocrat on May 15, 2008 11:35 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I like stouts okay...

This was very good. Any heavier though and I’ll have to start chewing…

by GhettoBear04 on May 15, 2008 12:00 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

This series brought to you by Henry Weinhards Root Beer!

Smooth and miles beyond any other root beer that is mass produced. ain’t nothin’ better than a god root beer.

I’m a teatotaler.

Pop goes the buttsy on the left hand side!!

by PhilKenSebben on May 15, 2008 11:25 AM PDT   0 recs

*good

Pop goes the buttsy on the left hand side!!

by PhilKenSebben on May 15, 2008 11:26 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Most root beer is too sweet.

If you’d pimped some ginger beer I’d have been more impressed.

I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.

by Llewdor on May 15, 2008 11:35 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

We know.

I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Also, I'm always down for some online Grand Theft Auto IV or Rock Band. Gamertag: Phildopip

by Phildopip on May 15, 2008 12:00 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Have you tried some KCN?

It’s got a nice almond smell you might like, and it’s non-alcoholic.

by eponymous_coward on May 15, 2008 12:16 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

What's with all the Potassium Cyanide references? I don't get it.

I like using semi-colons; they make me feel smart.

by Llewdor on May 15, 2008 3:58 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I love beer - this is well known

but I actually love this root beer. I’d rather have this than many beer beers (like the beers Weinhard’s makes).

by marc w on May 15, 2008 3:29 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I believe this is the first suggestion of its type:

I want the Mariners to hire a Japanese manager who can’t speak English. Reason: not being able to talk to the players, the manager would judge players only on their performance and could hide behind the language barrier to, effectively, not give a fuck what anybody has to say about any of his moves.

It’s ok for the coaches to speak English.

Of course, you’d want that manager to be an effective judge of talent. For the team’s owners & management, that’s definitely a move that puts butts in seats and garners international attention. It also brings the team together: got a problem with the manager, ask Johjima or Ichiro to interpret.

Washburn to manager: “Johjima sucks at calling pitches.”

Manager (through Johjima): “Eat my shorts.”

by wysiwyg on May 15, 2008 12:08 PM PDT   0 recs