4/27: Open Game Thread
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 11:50 AM PDT
in Seattle Mariners Game Threads
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PrintOakland Athletics at Seattle Mariners, Apr 27, 2008 1:10 PM PDT
Earlier this morning, whilst I lay in bed and accompanied Eliza Dushku to Home Depot to buy planks of redwood for her above-ground pool deck, there came a knock that aroused me in all the wrong ways. Yawning, I stumbled out of my room and groggily opened the door, whereupon I was greeted by the pleasant faces of two middle-aged men with different ties and matching conviction. Exhausted and just the slightest bit hung over, at first I didn't do the math in my head, and so for about three or four minutes I stood there while they engaged me in conversation about current events and universal concerns. I nodded and mumbled and nodded some more, but gradually I began to come to and take stock of the situation, at which point one of the men asked me if I'm familiar with God.
I paused for a moment. Then, with a hint of a smile, I turned to the man and replied.
"I sure am."
I asked if they wouldn't mind letting me get to breakfast, so they issued me a polite farewell and walked away. I closed the door.
Today I don't have time for proselytization. Today I worship at the altar of Felix.
LET'S GO MARINERS!!
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Tomorrow I have to go to work
but yeah, I wouldn’t mind.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 12:01 PM PDT up reply actions
In a raspy fishman voice
Salutations, do you time to talk about the lord? . . . that’s okay kids, more in heaven for us.
God I love Venture Bros. Returns June 1st!!
Which begs the question
Who would you rather build a deck for? Eliza or King Felix?
Free Barry Bonds
Eliza
Felix can stare at a tree and make it build itself.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 12:01 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
I love sunday day games!
They are the only games I get to watch in real time when I am at work up here in Prudhoe Bay.
I once got in a argument with a co-worker that was attending a seminary school
by saying that my God (Felix) was ten times the God that his was.
In regards to praying for wins
Felix has 100 times the track record God does. Felix gets things done that Gods has trouble with.
The stats prove it
Felix already has more career wins.
The two things that have confused my spirtuality the most over the least 10 years
Matchups of:
Randy Johnson v. Mark McGwire
Randy Johnson v. Jim Edmonds
I won’t know what to do if I ever see Felix v. Pujols
May the power of the Anti-Virus (Greg Norton) be with you
"I've seen many, many blue skies turn gray, but the sun will eventually return, and so will I. So will I." - Carlos Pena
You're not fooling anyone
embrace your awesome perversion.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 12:24 PM PDT up reply actions
15 is legal in Denmark.
heh heh….alright
by brayden04 on Apr 27, 2008 12:26 PM PDT up reply actions 4 recs
A major politician
just had a scandal where he had sex with a 15 year old girl. The guy is pretty old, maybe around 50 I think. Anyway, there were some people who were upset, but all the other politicians stood up for him saying “he didn’t do anything illegal.”
State of Alaska Age of Consent law
At 16 years of age you become sexually independant unless the older party in the relationship has a position of power or authority over the juvenile, in which case the age becomes 18. You don’t have to think too hard to figure out why we have the highest incidents of rape, domestic abuse, and fetal alcahol syndrome per capita in the nation. We got problems.
I think in WA
16 is ok if you are 4 or less years olders. So you can hook up with a 16 year old if you are 20. Hey, speaking of which, is Corco around?
I swear on my life I was
reading an article about this somewhere lately. But for the life of me I just can’t remember where it is.
hmmm....
Ok, you’re right. I swear on your life I read about this somewhere lately. And for the life of you I can’t remember where it is.
You could probably be the alcohol supplier
At a high school party, you could probably get plenty of high school tail that way.
Hah, loser.
I’m 20, but look 25/26 (thank God for the beard). The first time I was carded for anything, ever, was at the movie theater of all places a couple weeks ago.
by Liebkartoffel on Apr 27, 2008 12:58 PM PDT up reply actions
I got kicked out of Safeco on Friday night for providing to a minor
Originally the cop thought I was the minor…
Extreme drunkeness
made more obvious by the fact that I voicing my disapproval of our right fielder.
Dude, when you are drunk
Just chill there, that’s what I have to do. Plus I guess when I grow stuble it makes me look a couple years older than I am so as long as I don’t get IDed Im ok.
Just wondering
Hey Jeff I don’t mean to be nosey but….. I’ve been reading the site for a couple of years and I really don’t know much about yourself or any of the other "managers" of the site. Is there a bio section that I’m missing that would answer some of my questions? How did you guys acquire your baseball knowledge? Why are you a Mariner fan? What are you doing in California, etc…
I would enjoy a "What am I wearing right now" feature
by Fett42 on Apr 27, 2008 12:21 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
My profile bio is pretty accurate
I was born in San Diego and became a Mariners fan because (A) rooting for the home team is too easy, and (B) I have an uncle in Seattle who wasn’t weird and a little crazy when I started liking sports. If it weren’t for the old Texas Rangers ESPN message board, I may not be who I am today, because it was Adam Morris (now he writes Lone Star Ball) who introduced me to Baseball Prospectus, which put me on the road to knowledge. Ironically I now consider BP to be a little behind the times.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 12:28 PM PDT up reply actions
I was rushed
I don’t have time to be hilariously dishonest when I’m in a hurry.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 12:32 PM PDT up reply actions
wait, this bio?
Jeff Sullivan is the modern-day descendant of a mutant family that has latent superhuman powers. Following an electrical accident, Sullivan finds himself transported into a parallel Earth where the Allies lost WW II and the Japanese rule America. After fighting the Japanese, Sullivan meets other members of his dimension-spanning family who teach him how to use his powers. He then returns to his Earth to fight crime.
Jeff Sullivan
Jeff Sullivan is an intelligent and emotionally troubled teenager who sleepwalks, and experiences visual hallucinations possibly because of his schizophrenia (which he takes medication for), and is in the medical care of a psychiatrist. One night, a jet engine from a commercial aircraft falls into Jeff’s bedroom. He avoids death only because prior to the accident, he had obeyed a voice in his head that led him to sleepwalk outside of his room. The voice is that of Gomez, an apparently imaginary friend in a man-sized rabbit costume. At midnight on October 2, Frank prophesies to Jeff that the end of the world will occur in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds.
Later, Jeff begins seeing “silvery plastic gel” spears that flow out from people’s chests. Such a spear indicates where a person will travel in the near future. In one example, Jeff sees one spear snake into the room, followed by his younger sister skipping through the room. Another spear leads Jeff to a pistol in his parents’ closet, which he takes and keeps.
Meanwhile, Gomez instructs Jeff to perform acts which provoke certain chains of events:
- Jeff is instructed to flood his high school, which ends up giving him the opportunity to court his new classmate, Brent Lillibridge.
- Jeff is intrigued by Gomez to pursue the question of time travel, so he starts a conversation with his science teacher. The teacher gives him the book “Juiced” by Jose Canseco, an old man known as “Grandma Death” among the neighborhood youth. The book explains the scenario that Jeff is going through.
- Jeff burns down the house of a motivational speaker he ridiculed at a school assembly, thereby exposing the speaker’s secret “kiddie porn dungeon”. The speaker’s arrest begins a series of events that results in Jeff’s mother chaperoning Jeff’s younger sister and her dance group on a flight to Star Search in Los Angeles.
I was just reading this wiki page like three days ago
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 12:58 PM PDT up reply actions
The Gomez part hits too close to home
damn your rabbit mask, Gomez.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 1:00 PM PDT up reply actions
I pissed myself first time I saw Frank
I had to shut my eyes for the first like 6 minutes of the movie first time I saw it.
Jeff lives in his mothers basement
On days where he feels the need to be presentable, he wears pants.
by Graham MacAree on Apr 27, 2008 12:43 PM PDT up reply actions
Pants? Where does he live, the basement of the Ritz?
Put on a God damn mumu, like the rest of us.
by Liebkartoffel on Apr 27, 2008 12:49 PM PDT up reply actions
Above ground pool?
Wow, Dushku is white trash in your dreams.
Wang?
9 k’s against Cleveland? uh???
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
Good News
Balentein back in the lineup for Tacoma… playing RF.
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
I hate when the Mariners play Oakland
Because the stupid games are blacked out on MLB.com
One more reason I’ll be more than glad to move away from California…
This might be my last game for a few days/.
I have to move out of my flat in the morning so I’ll need to get broadband in my new place. Hope to go out with some low-stress, easy win Felix-related goodness.
Man, moving flats is so stressful. I just hope this game is enjoyable and not stressful…
Beware of the GTE.
Moving flats is a piece of cake....
it’s moving the hills that are a son-of-a-bitch.
Killer for my fantasy team.
I’ve got both Shields and Beckett
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
I know Beckett is on my team too
But Jeff doesn’t seem to like when others bring up that players are on their fantasy team.
However, if you can find a way to make it interesting
then I’m all about it.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 1:17 PM PDT up reply actions
It's always pretty shitty there.
I do like Cleveland, but I admit the weather there is just as unpredictable as it is here in Seattle.
1 Down 26 to go
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Can still go 27 up 27 down tho :D
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Damn there goes the no-no
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Things I like:
DP.
Things I don’t like:
Perfect games being broken up early on Felix Day.
Beware of the GTE.
I wish....
all of our pitchers could develop a skill that made all batted balls go to Beltre.
If you removed all the other fielders
every batted ball would be Beltre’s eventually.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 1:16 PM PDT up reply actions
Yahoo has recently changed their box scores to be sweet
Instead of saying Ground Outs, Fly Outs they now say Ground Balls, Fly Balls.
How about big fat piece of shit
can you say that on TV?
How about...
Torii Hunter would have caught that?
I think its the entire premise of the "________ would have caught that"
Although it may just be me who thinks so
Raul would have got that one.
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on Apr 27, 2008 1:19 PM PDT up reply actions
Easily
good God Cust is the slowest motherfucker in the stadium.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 1:20 PM PDT up reply actions
Doubles...
are for #6 hitters. Lopez needs to know his role as a #2 hitter and draw walks…
If he's not sac bunting
I don’t think he knows what to do with himself
No matter how bad out OF defense is
at least we dont have Sweeney in CF and Cust in RF
In fairness, it was supposed to be a rebuilding year.
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
BELTRE!!!!!!
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Run Scored. Game Over.
I fucking hate you Mariners
Are we monotheistic?
I vote “no” we need room for Beltre and Ichiro in our pantheon. Bedard can apply soon.
You mean disciple...Felix is God
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Richie for Devil
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Washburn's had some of that marmalade.
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
I am glad Norton is a veteran
Or he would have never been given a second chance by Mac
So Richie Sexson walks into a bar
funny how he was caught looking when he struck into it
/lame, i tried
That's what she said.
Beware of the GTE.
by EnglishMariner on Apr 27, 2008 1:25 PM PDT up reply actions
Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven
by Graham MacAree on Apr 27, 2008 1:25 PM PDT up reply actions
I know what youre sayin girl, you're sayin
“oooh yeah, That’s it”
Big Whiff
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Or just own him in the face
That works too
by Graham MacAree on Apr 27, 2008 1:28 PM PDT up reply actions
KKK...
lol
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
THE FUCKING MAN*
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Holy crap.
Felix day. Man. Nothing like it. Nothing at all.
"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett http://mvn.com/milb-mariners/
HOLY SHIT
STRUCK OUT THE SIDE!!! FELIX IS NOW TRUELY ONE OF THE ELITE! JUST 1 PITCH TOO MANY OF A 9 PITCH INNING.
OMG....
Did i just fucking see that? Did i just fucking see that? What the fuck did I just see?
WOW
There are no words to describe what just happened. EIGHT OF THEM WERE FASTBALLS TOO!!! And they had NO CHANCE!!
My cock just did the opposite of that pitch did
by Robert on Apr 27, 2008 1:31 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
That was something else
Pitching clinic. Belgian White Ale + Felix is other worldly
by Susheel Ramasahayam on Apr 27, 2008 1:31 PM PDT reply actions
We better win this game because I want to enjoy that Felix inning over and over again.
If we lose, I cannot go back.
Beware of the GTE.
Struck out the side on 10 pitches...
THAT JUST HAPPENED.
No Wilk, you aren't supposed to strike out
Not too long before you’re the scapegoat for the Mariners’ sorrows.
Yea, I just can't picture Brad homering.
It’s like doing a negative square root, just doesn’t seem possible. Especially since the team is too stupid to know he hits reverse splits.
The first time I read that I read
“positive square root” and thought “what the smurf are you, retarded?”
by seattlebruin on Apr 27, 2008 1:37 PM PDT up reply actions
Is it bad that I'm watching Wayne's World during the Mariner's offensive half?
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Yuni Walk?
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
LOL
After yesterday’s at bat, someone must have told Yuni not to take the bat off his friggin shoulders today.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:35 PM PDT reply actions
thank you Niehaus
for harping on Yuni’s no walk total
I'm waiting for when he loses all inhibition
and starts ripping the shitty aspects of our club to shreds.
by JI on Apr 27, 2008 1:36 PM PDT up reply actions
Hell
He could turn it into a drinking game.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:37 PM PDT up reply actions
That's an out with anybody else on the basepaths
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
Here comes the Ichiro hot streak.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:37 PM PDT reply actions
OH NOES!
PERLOZZO IS HURT! WE HAVE NO THIRD BASE COACH!
I wonder if they are qualified to switch jobs
I hope it doesn’t hurt our coaching staff’s performance.
by JI on Apr 27, 2008 1:38 PM PDT up reply actions
Worthless
All he does is clog the basepaths
Clement currently is at ~2x Johjima's expected 2008 walk total
He’s played 22 games.
by Graham MacAree on Apr 27, 2008 1:42 PM PDT up reply actions
and he's catching
Dickey and his knuckleball.
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on Apr 27, 2008 1:42 PM PDT up reply actions
Felix inc in 3-4 more commercials!
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
I'll give you ten bucks to go to a game
and pander for rally fries.
I'm thinking of a sign
“LOOKOUT LANDING HEARTS RALLY FRIES HEART HEART HEART HEART”
by seattlebruin on Apr 27, 2008 1:42 PM PDT up reply actions
I WANT DESPERATELY TO BE ON TV
AND I AM SO VERY HUNGRY AND ITS MY BIRTHDAY RALLY FRZ PLZ
by JI on Apr 27, 2008 1:42 PM PDT up reply actions
AND I AM A VETERAN
AND MY WIFE AND SONS ARE VETERANS AS WELL AND I AM OLD FEED ME PLZ
by JI on Apr 27, 2008 1:45 PM PDT up reply actions
Good God
His two-seamer is just running perfectly back over the inside corner. If he keeps doing that, the A’s wont touch him.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:43 PM PDT reply actions
K..K..K..K..K..
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
rrrgggghhhhh carrots nuke posts
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
16 of 18 remaining outs
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:45 PM PDT up reply actions
9 outs, 5 by ks
How does he need to get every single one remaining?
by andrewgolfsalot on Apr 27, 2008 1:45 PM PDT up reply actions
Oh oops, I had only counted four strikeouts.
You’re correct. 15 of 18.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:46 PM PDT up reply actions
Felix makes my heart happy.
My gf might be a bit jealous.
by andrewgolfsalot on Apr 27, 2008 1:44 PM PDT reply actions
Classic MLB
ESPN Classic aired the game when Clemens struck out 20 Mariners. This is very similar. I might even say Felix has more stuff through the first three innings.
Felix Hernandez just overtook John Mabry as my favorite player of all time
Determined, Jonesing Commentor
That's what I was thinking
Next time through the order they’ll have a better read on his fastball, then he can break out the change and fuck them up something awful
Regardless of what happens the rest of the way
this is among the best-pitched three innings I’ve ever seen.
by Jeff Sullivan on Apr 27, 2008 1:47 PM PDT up reply actions
Faster Felix this way...
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
I wouldn't mind missing his ABs to commercials
more frequently.
by andrewgolfsalot on Apr 27, 2008 1:47 PM PDT up reply actions
Cuz Raul has 20
Been hogging all the opportunities and for a while there, Beltre was batting behind the black hole known as Richie Sexson.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:49 PM PDT up reply actions
They should give him the Tiger Woods treatment.
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
I approve of Beltre's new found plate patience.
Hopefully it stays forever.
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
Norton may have struck out....
But Vidro GIDP’s that pitch.
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
The second he signs a contract with the Mariners
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
What kind of bullshit 1-1 strikeis that?
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
HOW DARE YOU!
That would take regular platoon playing time away from WILLIE!
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:52 PM PDT up reply actions
THIS IS NOT A PLATOON
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
I would be pissed at Wilkerson right now...
but Felix is pitching.
Bye Wilk..you washed up piece of shit
I fucking hate you Mariners
How much longer before the team
scapegoats Wilkerson and DFAs him?
Hopefully the minute WLAD is ready
Likely later than that
by mariners124m on Apr 27, 2008 1:52 PM PDT up reply actions
how is it scapegoating
if he’s sucking so bad?
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on Apr 27, 2008 1:53 PM PDT up reply actions
They DFA Wilk
and keep Vidro. Gotta blame someone.
...is terrible
We’re in sync.
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 1:53 PM PDT up reply actions
hahaha
How many times has Wilkerson done just that this year? Its like a swinging bunt.
Yeah Wilkerson looks much worse than I expected
He cannot hit.
They really, really have to call up Balentien.
He would not be great, but he would be far better than Wilkersuck.
boo fly balls/ line drives
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
nonononono Felix
Balls on the ground. Keep the batted balls on the ground.
Okay, they're catching up to the fastballs now
Mix pitches please
not listening to aduio today
instead indulging in the musical masterpiece that is the leaked new Opeth album Watershed… album of the century hands down
by mariners124m on Apr 27, 2008 1:57 PM PDT up reply actions
CAN I PLZ HAS 1ST PITCH CURVEBALL
KTHXBYE
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
The ball hit his broken bad like 5 feet out in front of the plate... knocked it down
I fucking hate you Mariners
You suck Cust
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 2:00 PM PDT reply actions
Yeah that did the job for me
moved me up about a pitch
Still only 45 pitches
A’s already maxed out their luck for the night.
Game over.
Yunibomber
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
Mr. Three True Outcomes
.155 / .380 / .241, 1 HR, 20 walks, 24 strikeouts
Ya think the league has figured him out?
Fans are typically idiots.
by The Typical Idiot Fan on Apr 27, 2008 2:03 PM PDT reply actions
no, not totally
or he wouldn’t have the walks
Yuni's will end up like Frank Thomas later in his career
an overweight power hitter DH
and i’m fine with that