4/27: Open Game Thread
Oakland Athletics @ Seattle Mariners
Earlier this morning, whilst I lay in bed and accompanied Eliza Dushku to Home Depot to buy planks of redwood for her above-ground pool deck, there came a knock that aroused me in all the wrong ways. Yawning, I stumbled out of my room and groggily opened the door, whereupon I was greeted by the pleasant faces of two middle-aged men with different ties and matching conviction. Exhausted and just the slightest bit hung over, at first I didn't do the math in my head, and so for about three or four minutes I stood there while they engaged me in conversation about current events and universal concerns. I nodded and mumbled and nodded some more, but gradually I began to come to and take stock of the situation, at which point one of the men asked me if I'm familiar with God.
I paused for a moment. Then, with a hint of a smile, I turned to the man and replied.
"I sure am."
I asked if they wouldn't mind letting me get to breakfast, so they issued me a polite farewell and walked away. I closed the door.
Today I don't have time for proselytization. Today I worship at the altar of Felix.

LET'S GO MARINERS!!
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726 comments
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Heathens
We don't negotiate with terrorists.
by Mariner John on
Apr 27, 2008 11:51 AM PDT
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Felix demands a blood sacrifice
Sorry Willie
by OlSalty on
Apr 27, 2008 11:52 AM PDT
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Sooooo.....
tomorrow you’ll have time for proselytization?
by brayden04 on
Apr 27, 2008 11:58 AM PDT
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Tomorrow I have to go to work
but yeah, I wouldn’t mind.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:01 PM PDT
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In a raspy fishman voice
Salutations, do you time to talk about the lord? . . . that’s okay kids, more in heaven for us.
God I love Venture Bros. Returns June 1st!!
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:01 PM PDT
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Here is a link to the season 3 sneak preview
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:08 PM PDT
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Or not
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN5BRwkdqWw&eurl=http://www.aintitcool.com/node/36500
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:08 PM PDT
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Which begs the question
Who would you rather build a deck for? Eliza or King Felix?
Free Barry Bonds
by thejew4u on
Apr 27, 2008 12:00 PM PDT
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All Hail the King!
Today he shall smote the A’s.
Go Nova
by dbroncos31 on
Apr 27, 2008 12:00 PM PDT
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I love sunday day games!
They are the only games I get to watch in real time when I am at work up here in Prudhoe Bay.
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:00 PM PDT
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Whats it like up there
I’ve always wanted to drive the Dalton Highway.
by Robert on
Apr 27, 2008 12:07 PM PDT
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Not too bad right now
Actualy 18 degrees today. Starting to warm up.
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:10 PM PDT
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It's a nice mostly sunny 84 here
was supposed to be around 95 today, but thank Felix it’s not.
by thenatural on
Apr 27, 2008 12:55 PM PDT
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I once got in a argument with a co-worker that was attending a seminary school
by saying that my God (Felix) was ten times the God that his was.
by Robert on
Apr 27, 2008 12:01 PM PDT
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In regards to praying for wins
Felix has 100 times the track record God does. Felix gets things done that Gods has trouble with.
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:03 PM PDT
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The stats prove it
Felix already has more career wins.
by Fett42 on
Apr 27, 2008 12:12 PM PDT
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The two things that have confused my spirtuality the most over the least 10 years
Matchups of:
Randy Johnson v. Mark McGwire
Randy Johnson v. Jim Edmonds
I won’t know what to do if I ever see Felix v. Pujols
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:16 PM PDT
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May the power of the Anti-Virus (Greg Norton) be with you
"I've seen many, many blue skies turn gray, but the sun will eventually return, and so will I. So will I." - Carlos Pena
by R.J. Anderson on
Apr 27, 2008 12:03 PM PDT
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Norton did to the A's
what his name-sake did to my computer.
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:07 PM PDT
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Rays lead Boston 1-0 in the 5th
going for the sweep.
James Shields is good.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:04 PM PDT
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That 15 year old better slow it down
once you get that tramp label, it can be hard to live down.
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:17 PM PDT
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As long as you are willing to admit
that watching the Rays makes you “that guy.” Pervert.
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:20 PM PDT
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It's one step up from erotic smurf pictures.
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:22 PM PDT
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You're not fooling anyone
embrace your awesome perversion.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:24 PM PDT
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ONE OF YOU
ONE OF YOU
ONE OF YOU
ONE OF YOU
ONE OF YOU
ONE OF YOU
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:26 PM PDT
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Ok, you got me
I’ll take Rays away to a place no one can judge us for our love!
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:28 PM PDT
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15 is legal in Denmark.
heh heh….alright
by brayden04 on
Apr 27, 2008 12:26 PM PDT
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A major politician
just had a scandal where he had sex with a 15 year old girl. The guy is pretty old, maybe around 50 I think. Anyway, there were some people who were upset, but all the other politicians stood up for him saying “he didn’t do anything illegal.”
by brayden04 on
Apr 27, 2008 12:34 PM PDT
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Up here in Alaska
as long as he/she is 16 it is legal.
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:44 PM PDT
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State of Alaska Age of Consent law
At 16 years of age you become sexually independant unless the older party in the relationship has a position of power or authority over the juvenile, in which case the age becomes 18. You don’t have to think too hard to figure out why we have the highest incidents of rape, domestic abuse, and fetal alcahol syndrome per capita in the nation. We got problems.
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:56 PM PDT
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I think in WA
16 is ok if you are 4 or less years olders. So you can hook up with a 16 year old if you are 20. Hey, speaking of which, is Corco around?
by Fin on
Apr 27, 2008 12:54 PM PDT
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Yeah the Romeo and Juliet laws
I don’t know why I know this. Honest.
by brayden04 on
Apr 27, 2008 12:55 PM PDT
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I swear on my life I was
reading an article about this somewhere lately. But for the life of me I just can’t remember where it is.
by brayden04 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:04 PM PDT
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That's a whole lotta swearing on your life.
Sure you want your life riding on this?
by qrsouther on
Apr 27, 2008 1:05 PM PDT
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You could probably be the alcohol supplier
At a high school party, you could probably get plenty of high school tail that way.
by Fin on
Apr 27, 2008 12:57 PM PDT
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Hah, loser.
I’m 20, but look 25/26 (thank God for the beard). The first time I was carded for anything, ever, was at the movie theater of all places a couple weeks ago.
by Liebkartoffel on
Apr 27, 2008 12:58 PM PDT
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I got kicked out of Safeco on Friday night for providing to a minor
Originally the cop thought I was the minor…
by Robert on
Apr 27, 2008 1:00 PM PDT
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Extreme drunkeness
made more obvious by the fact that I voicing my disapproval of our right fielder.
by Robert on
Apr 27, 2008 1:08 PM PDT
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Dude, when you are drunk
Just chill there, that’s what I have to do. Plus I guess when I grow stuble it makes me look a couple years older than I am so as long as I don’t get IDed Im ok.
by Fin on
Apr 27, 2008 1:09 PM PDT
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And keeping with the out-of-town theme
CC Sabathia seems to be fine.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:05 PM PDT
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Just wondering
Hey Jeff I don’t mean to be nosey but….. I’ve been reading the site for a couple of years and I really don’t know much about yourself or any of the other "managers" of the site. Is there a bio section that I’m missing that would answer some of my questions? How did you guys acquire your baseball knowledge? Why are you a Mariner fan? What are you doing in California, etc…
by coasty141 on
Apr 27, 2008 12:18 PM PDT
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It's actually one person with five internet personalities.
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:20 PM PDT
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I would enjoy a "What am I wearing right now" feature
by Fett42 on
Apr 27, 2008 12:21 PM PDT
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My profile bio is pretty accurate
I was born in San Diego and became a Mariners fan because (A) rooting for the home team is too easy, and (B) I have an uncle in Seattle who wasn’t weird and a little crazy when I started liking sports. If it weren’t for the old Texas Rangers ESPN message board, I may not be who I am today, because it was Adam Morris (now he writes Lone Star Ball) who introduced me to Baseball Prospectus, which put me on the road to knowledge. Ironically I now consider BP to be a little behind the times.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:28 PM PDT
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Needs more hilarious historical inaccuracies.
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:30 PM PDT
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I was rushed
I don’t have time to be hilariously dishonest when I’m in a hurry.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:32 PM PDT
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wait, this bio?
Jeff Sullivan is the modern-day descendant of a mutant family that has latent superhuman powers. Following an electrical accident, Sullivan finds himself transported into a parallel Earth where the Allies lost WW II and the Japanese rule America. After fighting the Japanese, Sullivan meets other members of his dimension-spanning family who teach him how to use his powers. He then returns to his Earth to fight crime.
by Matthew on
Apr 27, 2008 12:34 PM PDT
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Jeff Sullivan
Jeff Sullivan is an intelligent and emotionally troubled teenager who sleepwalks, and experiences visual hallucinations possibly because of his schizophrenia (which he takes medication for), and is in the medical care of a psychiatrist. One night, a jet engine from a commercial aircraft falls into Jeff’s bedroom. He avoids death only because prior to the accident, he had obeyed a voice in his head that led him to sleepwalk outside of his room. The voice is that of Gomez, an apparently imaginary friend in a man-sized rabbit costume. At midnight on October 2, Frank prophesies to Jeff that the end of the world will occur in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds.
Later, Jeff begins seeing “silvery plastic gel” spears that flow out from people’s chests. Such a spear indicates where a person will travel in the near future. In one example, Jeff sees one spear snake into the room, followed by his younger sister skipping through the room. Another spear leads Jeff to a pistol in his parents’ closet, which he takes and keeps.
Meanwhile, Gomez instructs Jeff to perform acts which provoke certain chains of events:
- Jeff is instructed to flood his high school, which ends up giving him the opportunity to court his new classmate, Brent Lillibridge.
- Jeff is intrigued by Gomez to pursue the question of time travel, so he starts a conversation with his science teacher. The teacher gives him the book “Juiced” by Jose Canseco, an old man known as “Grandma Death” among the neighborhood youth. The book explains the scenario that Jeff is going through.
- Jeff burns down the house of a motivational speaker he ridiculed at a school assembly, thereby exposing the speaker’s secret “kiddie porn dungeon”. The speaker’s arrest begins a series of events that results in Jeff’s mother chaperoning Jeff’s younger sister and her dance group on a flight to Star Search in Los Angeles.
by qrsouther on
Apr 27, 2008 12:56 PM PDT
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I was just reading this wiki page like three days ago
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:58 PM PDT
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Damn.
Do I get applauded anyway for the editing labor?
by qrsouther on
Apr 27, 2008 12:59 PM PDT
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You couldn't edit out
the kiddie porn dungeon?
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:59 PM PDT
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Why would I?
Patrick Swayze needs respect.
by qrsouther on
Apr 27, 2008 1:00 PM PDT
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How come this looks so familiar?
And does Jeff look like this?
by Fin on
Apr 27, 2008 1:00 PM PDT
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What I never understood
Was where all of a sudden the knife came from in that scene.
by qrsouther on
Apr 27, 2008 1:09 PM PDT
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The Gomez part hits too close to home
damn your rabbit mask, Gomez.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 1:00 PM PDT
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I pissed myself first time I saw Frank
I had to shut my eyes for the first like 6 minutes of the movie first time I saw it.
by qrsouther on
Apr 27, 2008 1:01 PM PDT
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Jeff lives in his mothers basement
On days where he feels the need to be presentable, he wears pants.
by Graham on
Apr 27, 2008 12:43 PM PDT
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Pants? Where does he live, the basement of the Ritz?
Put on a God damn mumu, like the rest of us.
by Liebkartoffel on
Apr 27, 2008 12:49 PM PDT
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Above ground pool?
Wow, Dushku is white trash in your dreams.
by Matthew on
Apr 27, 2008 12:20 PM PDT
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Dushku is white trash in everyone's dreams
. . . an oh, what a dream.
by thewyrm on
Apr 27, 2008 12:21 PM PDT
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Livan Hernandez got proper owned today
that’s more like it.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:31 PM PDT
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LONGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIA
ahahahahahhahaha
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 12:39 PM PDT
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Quick
someone remind me that Kyle Lohse sucks.
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:39 PM PDT
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Wang?
9 k’s against Cleveland? uh???
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on
Apr 27, 2008 12:42 PM PDT
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Good News
Balentein back in the lineup for Tacoma… playing RF.
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on
Apr 27, 2008 12:51 PM PDT
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Ha Krueger throwing at Felix speed
In his dreams.
by Fin on
Apr 27, 2008 12:51 PM PDT
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Is that supposed to look like him?
Good choice.
by qrsouther on
Apr 27, 2008 12:59 PM PDT
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I hate when the Mariners play Oakland
Because the stupid games are blacked out on MLB.com
One more reason I’ll be more than glad to move away from California…
by Ike Clanton on
Apr 27, 2008 12:54 PM PDT
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Goddamn baseball fight
made me miss Kreguer’s bullet points.
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 12:56 PM PDT
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This might be my last game for a few days/.
I have to move out of my flat in the morning so I’ll need to get broadband in my new place. Hope to go out with some low-stress, easy win Felix-related goodness.
Man, moving flats is so stressful. I just hope this game is enjoyable and not stressful…
Beware of the GTE.
by EnglishMariner on
Apr 27, 2008 1:09 PM PDT
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Moving flats is a piece of cake....
it’s moving the hills that are a son-of-a-bitch.
by PLU Tim on
Apr 27, 2008 1:12 PM PDT
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Beckett just lost a game where he struck out 13 in 7IP with 5 baserunners
Awesome.
by Graham on
Apr 27, 2008 1:10 PM PDT
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Killer for my fantasy team.
I’ve got both Shields and Beckett
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
by Double06 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:12 PM PDT
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I know Beckett is on my team too
But Jeff doesn’t seem to like when others bring up that players are on their fantasy team.
by Fin on
Apr 27, 2008 1:14 PM PDT
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dually noted
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
by Double06 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:16 PM PDT
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However, if you can find a way to make it interesting
then I’m all about it.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 1:17 PM PDT
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Why is that awesome?
He plays for the Red Sox.
by Slica on
Apr 27, 2008 1:13 PM PDT
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I heard the weather in Cleveland is supposed to be shitty.
by JI on
Apr 27, 2008 1:10 PM PDT
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It's always pretty shitty there.
I do like Cleveland, but I admit the weather there is just as unpredictable as it is here in Seattle.
by Fin on
Apr 27, 2008 1:12 PM PDT
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1 Down 26 to go
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
by ColeFitz on
Apr 27, 2008 1:11 PM PDT
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Can still go 27 up 27 down tho :D
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
by ColeFitz on
Apr 27, 2008 1:13 PM PDT
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Damn there goes the no-no
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
by ColeFitz on
Apr 27, 2008 1:12 PM PDT
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Things I like:
DP.
Things I don’t like:
Perfect games being broken up early on Felix Day.
Beware of the GTE.
by EnglishMariner on
Apr 27, 2008 1:14 PM PDT
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I wish....
all of our pitchers could develop a skill that made all batted balls go to Beltre.
by PLU Tim on
Apr 27, 2008 1:14 PM PDT
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If you removed all the other fielders
every batted ball would be Beltre’s eventually.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 1:16 PM PDT
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Yahoo has recently changed their box scores to be sweet
Instead of saying Ground Outs, Fly Outs they now say Ground Balls, Fly Balls.
by Fett42 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:15 PM PDT
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Barrel-chested?
I prefer keg-abdomen’d as a description of Cupcakes
by Graham on
Apr 27, 2008 1:16 PM PDT
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How about big fat piece of shit
can you say that on TV?
by thenatural on
Apr 27, 2008 1:17 PM PDT
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How about...
Torii Hunter would have caught that?
by HARRYP09 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:20 PM PDT
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I think its the entire premise of the "________ would have caught that"
Although it may just be me who thinks so
by thenatural on
Apr 27, 2008 1:21 PM PDT
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You know who else wouldn't have caught it?
Brett
by Robert on
Apr 27, 2008 1:26 PM PDT
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Raul would have got that one.
Midnight Baseball - No Lights - Only in Alaska!
by MfaninAlaska on
Apr 27, 2008 1:19 PM PDT
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By the way Dave, it's not Devil Rays anymore
It’s Awesome Rays.
by Jeff on
Apr 27, 2008 1:18 PM PDT
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Doubles...
are for #6 hitters. Lopez needs to know his role as a #2 hitter and draw walks…
by PLU Tim on
Apr 27, 2008 1:19 PM PDT
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If he's not sac bunting
I don’t think he knows what to do with himself
by thenatural on
Apr 27, 2008 1:20 PM PDT
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I think his role as a #2
Is to either move Ichiro up or drive him in, but get on base.
by Fin on
Apr 27, 2008 1:23 PM PDT
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No matter how bad out OF defense is
at least we dont have Sweeney in CF and Cust in RF
by thenatural on
Apr 27, 2008 1:19 PM PDT
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Yeah really
I thought Beane was supposed to be smart
by marinator on
Apr 27, 2008 1:20 PM PDT
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In fairness, it was supposed to be a rebuilding year.
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
by Double06 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:21 PM PDT
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but why???
productive outs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by thenatural on
Apr 27, 2008 1:21 PM PDT
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BELTRE!!!!!!
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
by ColeFitz on
Apr 27, 2008 1:22 PM PDT
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KA is a big man.
Beware of the GTE.
by EnglishMariner on
Apr 27, 2008 1:22 PM PDT
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Well we're winning this game
Felix doesn’t need many more runs than this today
by marinator on
Apr 27, 2008 1:22 PM PDT
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WHERE IS OUR FIRST BASE COACH
Determined, Jonesing Commentor
by I'm NOT Corco on
Apr 27, 2008 1:22 PM PDT
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Run Scored. Game Over.
I fucking hate you Mariners
by kentroyals5 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:23 PM PDT
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who needs broussard?
we have norton
http://seattlesportsmaniac.blogspot.com
by LantermanC on
Apr 27, 2008 1:23 PM PDT
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GREG NORTON FOR GOD
Determined, Jonesing Commentor
by I'm NOT Corco on
Apr 27, 2008 1:23 PM PDT
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GREG NORTON FOR LESSER GOD
Determined, Jonesing Commentor
by I'm NOT Corco on
Apr 27, 2008 1:24 PM PDT
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Are we monotheistic?
I vote “no” we need room for Beltre and Ichiro in our pantheon. Bedard can apply soon.
by TrashiDawa on
Apr 27, 2008 1:25 PM PDT
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You mean disciple...Felix is God
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
by ColeFitz on
Apr 27, 2008 1:24 PM PDT
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Richie for Devil
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
by ColeFitz on
Apr 27, 2008 1:24 PM PDT
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Washburn's had some of that marmalade.
Hmm... Needs more Bonds.
by Double06 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:38 PM PDT
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I hope this is sayonara Pepe
Please don’t give him enough AB’s for his option to vest
by marinator on
Apr 27, 2008 1:23 PM PDT
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Steroids
Determined, Jonesing Commentor
by I'm NOT Corco on
Apr 27, 2008 1:24 PM PDT
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Horse tranquilizers
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
by ColeFitz on
Apr 27, 2008 1:25 PM PDT
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I am glad Norton is a veteran
Or he would have never been given a second chance by Mac
by vkut79 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:24 PM PDT
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So Richie Sexson walks into a bar
funny how he was caught looking when he struck into it
/lame, i tried
by Tony S on
Apr 27, 2008 1:26 PM PDT
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FUCK YOU SEXSON YOU BIG FUCKING DOME.
Beware of the GTE.
by EnglishMariner on
Apr 27, 2008 1:24 PM PDT
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That's what she said.
Beware of the GTE.
by EnglishMariner on
Apr 27, 2008 1:25 PM PDT
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Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven
by Graham on
Apr 27, 2008 1:25 PM PDT
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I know what youre sayin girl, you're sayin
“oooh yeah, That’s it”
by thenatural on
Apr 27, 2008 1:27 PM PDT
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And then we take out the recycling
That’s not a part of it, but it’s still very important.
by qrsouther on
Apr 27, 2008 1:35 PM PDT
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Big Whiff
At least we don't have Zito's contract.
by ColeFitz on
Apr 27, 2008 1:27 PM PDT
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Is Thomas better than Norton at this point?
Perhaps the Big Hurt is finished after all
by marinator on
Apr 27, 2008 1:27 PM PDT
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I WOULD TURN GAY IF YOU WANTED ME TO FELIX.
Beware of the GTE.
by EnglishMariner on
Apr 27, 2008 1:27 PM PDT
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Still not as good as...
well, you know.
by BrianL on
Apr 27, 2008 1:28 PM PDT
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"that was a wicked slider"
wtf? that was 96
by vkut79 on
Apr 27, 2008 1:27 PM PDT
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Or just own him in the face
That works too
by Graham on
Apr 27, 2008 1:28 PM PDT
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