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As Brad Pitt goes, so go the Mariners

In AK1984's diary about what else happened in 1995, the M's greatest season, it came up that both "12 Monkeys" and "Se7ven" came out that year. "Pretty damn good year for Brad Pitt," I thought to myself.  Then, hmmmmm, let's examine this some more:

1991 - M's break .500 for the first time, Brad Pitt breaks out to the public in a supporting role in "Thelma and Louise"

1995 - As mentioned before, best year for both.

1996 - Not much happens for either

1997 - M's make playoffs but lose decisively in first round. Brad Pitt stars in "Devil's Own" with Harrison Ford. Both are promising at the beginning, but fizzle in the end.

1998 - M's losing record; Pitt, "Meet Joe Black" ugh.

1999 - Pitt stars in "Fight Club", another hint of greatness to come. M's still lose, but sign Olerud, Javier, McLemore, and Snelling

2000 - M's make playoffs, Brad Pitt marries Jennifer Aniston.

2001- M's historic season, extremely entertaining for all their fans, but no big prize at the end. Pitt stars in two very entertaining movies, "Ocean's 11" and "Spy Game", but neither are Oscar-bait, so no big prize at the end.

2002/2003 - M's have winning years, but no playoffs. Pitt appears in "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind", a pretty good but not great movie.

2004 - M's go 63-99, their worst year since 1983. Pitt stars in "Troy" and "Ocean's 12" -- double ugh.

2005 - Not much better for either.

2006 - M's go 78-84, showing improvement. Brad Pitt produces and stars in "Babel", an improvement over his movies of the past few years.

2007 - M's break through and win 88 games.  Pitt acclaimed in "The Assassination of Jesse James...", and "Ocean's 13" is, at least, better than "Ocean's 12"

So the big question, what's up for Pitt in 2008? Tidings are good, Mariner Fans!  Pitt has two films scheduled to release this year:  "Burn After Reading", by the Oscar-winning Coen brothers, co-starting Oscar winners George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, and Frances McDormand. Also "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", directed by David Fincher ("Se7en", "Fight Club"), co-starring Oscar winners Cate Blanchett and Tilda Swinton (again).  So, Mariner Fans, make sure your October is clear....

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Plus, isn't Brad Pitt supposed to marry
Angelina Jolie this year?

That must mean the M's are gonna win it all, regardless of the movies Pitt makes.

I reject your reality and substitute my own!

by Phildopip on Mar 7, 2008 10:32 AM PST reply actions  

I don't know if you consider it a good thing
to marry a lady who made out with her brother.

Yes she is the naked dragon hotness, but something tells me this parallel will only set Brad and the Mariners up for an ultimate humiliation (Bedard tearing his groin, Felix having his passport revoked by Chavez on a visit home, being destroyed by the surprising Orioles in the ALDS, stuck with ten kids on an ashram in Cambodia while your wife's sex tape with Wilmer Valderama is leaked on the internet).

by Jordan of Boise on Mar 7, 2008 10:47 AM PST up reply actions  

I agree with Jordan,,,
I put Jolie on the negative side of things, personally.  When I was writing this I was hoping Pitt/Jolie started at the same time as Bavasi/Mariners, then I could have included that in the writeup, but alas those events were too far apart.

by edgar is good on Mar 7, 2008 10:52 AM PST up reply actions  

Does not compute
Angelina Jolie is not attractive. You must be broken for your heretic text.
Willie is ours, and you can't have him

by spittle8 on Mar 8, 2008 1:28 PM PST up reply actions  

This is the strangest research even on this site.
But coincidence? I think not.
...and now I'm here

by CapSea on Mar 7, 2008 11:12 AM PST reply actions  

Nothing's funnier than math humor
(NOTE: almost everything is funnier than math humor)
Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Mar 7, 2008 2:37 PM PST up reply actions  

That's acute thought.
But we're right.
...and now I'm here

by CapSea on Mar 7, 2008 2:43 PM PST up reply actions  

I Liked Troy
Therefore this post is a failure.

by TheMarinator on Mar 7, 2008 11:33 AM PST reply actions  

Troy inspired my wife and I to reread the Illiad
We went to our neighborhood library and checked it out.  It was very depressing to see that the book had not been checked out since 1968.  People really do not read classic literature much I guess.

by Sec 108 on Mar 7, 2008 11:47 AM PST up reply actions  

Actually
I think people just don't use their neighborhood libraries any more.  I'm often the only person at mine.
Nice Guys Finish Third - Hopelessly lost, but makin' good time.

by pdb on Mar 7, 2008 11:49 AM PST up reply actions  

behind the offensive line...
he's got to stop dancing and hit the holes harder.

by Shawk on Mar 7, 2008 1:39 PM PST up reply actions  

Graham Bell?
Of course! One of the pioneers of invention with the telephone.

by TheMarinator on Mar 7, 2008 3:38 PM PST up reply actions  

I hear Ralph Wiggum
"I like men now."

by The Alaskan on Mar 7, 2008 3:49 PM PST up reply actions  

I live one block away from ours.
It also happens to be next door to the Liquor Store which is a popular destination for me.  So I'm in their all the time picking up something to read while I drink my whiskey.

by Sec 108 on Mar 7, 2008 11:51 AM PST reply actions  

Oops
Failed to hit Reply to This

by Sec 108 on Mar 7, 2008 11:51 AM PST up reply actions  

Pitt's best film was in 1993*
And the M's were 82-80 and finished fourth in the division (behind Chicago, Texas, and KC).

But, they did draft A-Rod that year, so that's something.

* True Romance.

by Llewdor on Mar 7, 2008 2:11 PM PST reply actions  

A bunch of movies missing, some good
  1. A River Runs Through It (one of the best)
  2. Interview with the Vampire & Legends of the Fall (both hits with the ladies, I believe, though generally not very good)
  3. Sleepers (pretty darn good, as I recall)
  4. Snatch (definitely top 3)
Overall, edgar, you're missing quite a few highlights.  

by The Alaskan on Mar 7, 2008 3:35 PM PST reply actions  

Say what?!
You mean I may have intentionally left out some items that didn't fit my hypothesis in order to make it shorter and more humorous???  I'm shocked, simply shocked, at your implication!

by edgar is good on Mar 7, 2008 4:04 PM PST up reply actions  

Oh, was that humorous?
Sorry, I missed that part.

by The Alaskan on Mar 10, 2008 9:24 AM PDT up reply actions  

I inspire people ...
to come up with crazy analogies.

I'm proud of myself.

by AK1984 on Mar 7, 2008 6:15 PM PST reply actions  

AK1984 -
Much like the small insect that eats nectar and vomits a sweet substance into its nest, you should bee. You should bee.
...and now I'm here

by CapSea on Mar 7, 2008 6:20 PM PST up reply actions  

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