August 18th: In the middle of the 6th inning, Adrian Beltre gives Red a signed bat.
LL: Let's get right to it. Great day, or greatest day?
Our Hero: Greatest day ever, no doubt. No offense to my girlfriend or anybody else but nothing can compare to the excitement and surprise of that day.
LL: Based on your facial expressions at the time, this clearly came as a complete surprise. Had there been any prior interaction with the dugout, or did someone just suddenly come hand you a bat out of nowhere?
Our Hero: When I got to the seats before the game the players noticed right away. Washburn was the first to see it and then one by one all the players climbed out of the dugout to see it, and last but not least Beltre came out to take a look. They were all laughing pretty good about it.
When I got the bat it was 100% surprise. I was actually arguing with somebody a couple rows back who had been telling me to sit down all game and then he started Beltre bashing to try to get me to shut up. I got a little poke on the shoulder and one of my favorite ushers Jill had the bat for me. She was almost in tears she was so happy for me.
LL: Where's the bat right now?
Our Hero: In a tube propped up against my nightstand, about two feet from my face when Im in bed. Its the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up, and the last thing I look at before I go to sleep. Needless to say I wake up with a smile on my face every morning. Yeah, I know, I'm gay.
LL: A guy with a switchblade breaks into your place and your only means of protection, other than your body, is the bat. What do you do?
Our Hero: My first instinct would be to throw Shannon in front of him and as soon as he tried to stab her it would be on like neckbones. The funny thing is, when she read this question she already knew the answer. She told me she'd be willing to take one for the team.
LL: Do your friends and loved ones realize that, no matter how hard they try, they'll never be able to get you a better gift?
Our Hero: They do. But they all see what a happy ass retard I turn into whenever I start talking about Mr. Beltre so they know that if they get me ANYTHING to do with Beltre Ill be more than happy.
LL: For people who're new to the whole phenomenon of you, please explain why you love Adrian Beltre so much.
Our Hero: Hes fun to watch, he seems like a normal human being, not a superstar. Hes a guy who plays like he truly enjoys the game. You never hear about him causing any trouble, complaining about anything or anybody. He realizes what hes doing is a privilege and not too many people get to do it. He hustles every play, he never seems like he takes any plays off.
As if that wasn't enough to like a guy, the characteristics and quirky things he does on the field are part of it too. The happy feet dance in the box, appeals to the first base ump, and some of the looks on his face during the game are priceless. Like I said, hes just REALLY fun to watch.
LL: Was this the first time Beltre ever acknowledged you, or were there earlier instances?
Our Hero: No. He always acknowledged me when he saw me, even if I'm not behind the dugout. Usually just a head nod and a smile most of the time and a tip of the cap and the end of the game, but thats enough for me. Before the Boston game on my birthday he got my attention and tossed me a ball, hes never big timed me. Unfortunately Ive never had the chance to talk to him and tell him thank you.
LL: Your fame clearly grew pretty substantially over the course of the summer. Do you find that people responded to you differently in September than they did in April and May?
Our Hero: It's funny you asked this question. I know at the start of the season most people just got REALLY annoyed with me. Most of the people in that section aren't there because they enjoy baseball, they're there because they think its a status symbol, which annoys the shit out of me. I don't go out of my way to be rude but when I know I'm under somebody's skin I just turn it up a few notches. Early in the season that was the case, the ushers really like me though so I knew I was okay. Ive almost gotten into it a couple times but nothing too serious. When the Mariners started winning and more people came to the games and watched more games on TV it was a different story. I found that people either really like watching me, or I annoy the shit out of them.
I found out from a little old Japanese couple that apparently they like me in Japan as well. One of the last games of the year there was a large group of exchange students or something and I jumped in the back of there big group picture more or less just to mess with them. When the guy taking the pictures saw me he pointed me out and the group went crazy and they all wanted pictures with me, that was pretty neat. Now I can say that I'm big in Japan.
LL: And one last question. When you and your girlfriend get down to business, does the 3' Beltre bobblehead get to watch, or do you turn him around?
Our Hero: Ah man, save the best for last. The 3 footer is posted up on my mini fridge in the living room so when we bump uglies on the couch he gets to watch. If we're doing a really good job we can even get him to bob his head in rhythm with us, its kinda creepy but I don't have time to worry about that. In my room I have a giant poster of Jack Nicholson from the Shining so its either Beltre or Jack staring at you if you decide to hump people at my place.
LL: Thanks for humoring me. And, of course, thanks even more for being you.