FanPost

Great Days in LL History: A Whale's Tale

It was a bitterly cold early May evening just two days after the insane tragedy that was LL Night: Cinco De Mayo which resulted in the arrest of 120 people and the fall of three separate governments in Central America. The plucky Mariners were riding the balance beam of mediocrity, yet to establish an identity at 13-13 and one game back from the division leading Plague Carriers. Undeterred, the mostly fearless equipo de Seattle landed in the new City of York to do battle with those bullies of the media, the Yankees who were struggling at 14-15 and thus warranting an all-time low 85% of ESPN's total airtime.

In the previous day's campaign, the Mariners bats had been held silent; deafened by the awesomeness that was Darrell Rasner. The offense was determined to pick themselves up off the mat however and with an extra dose of Shane Monahan's Extra Special BBQ Sauce on their pre-meal fried chicken wings; they were like caged lions awaiting the virgin sacrifice to come. That nubile young woman would be played tonight by Matt DeSalvo a journeyman, or possibly rookie, hurler barely hanging on to his last gasps of baseball opportunity or possibly just learning to control his Satan-given talent. Or not.

The stage was set; the lights dimmed, a nation transfixed, waiting with bated breath to see the greatest drama of all time unfold. While everyone else was doing that, we were awaiting the damn game to start with the game thread going up an impressive five hours before start time. You could sense our excitement for this contest and Jeff, our pilot in clear skies or turbulence, rallied us with an Oscar-worthy lead-in:

"An anagram of Matt DeSalvo's name is "Me, a vast dolt." Also, "toad slam vet." I'm not going anywhere with this."

Given our task for the pre-game, the LL faithful dutifully jumped to it and a mere 17 minutes later, Mere Tantalisers, his username itself an anagram for some aramaic thing, dropped the proverbial bomb that Miguel Batista's name could be re-arranged to spell "I am beluga tits". The crowd immediately rejoiced, for a new meme had just been spawned before their very eyes and while some scurried off on their hind legs to do the required photoshopping work others stayed began the always festive pillaging. It truly was,

A GREAT DAY IN LL HISTORY!

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