Seattle Mariners = Talent Misers Era
Carlos Silva = Calls Savior (he'll need to 'call' his savior a lot)
Miguel Jesus Cairo = Ere Malicious Jugs (Goes well with Beluga Tits)
But since he's joining the former club of Shane Monahan, this might turn into: "Goal: Juice Misuser"
And our favorite player would get much more respect with a name like: Will Mosquito Bile.