Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present object A, PLU Tim's violent fantasy above.  Can you imagine a refined older gentleman like Jose Vidro or John McLaren saying such rubbish?  I cannot.  

Fact 1: Adam Jones needed to reduce the size of his head after a meaningless, selfish solo home run ("batting onanism" i call it).   You think this hurt the team, but actually McLaren knows he's got to develop Jones as a Team Player.  Having him play the game the right way prevents bad habits from setting in, and ruining a promising career.  McLaren cares enough to administer the vaccination for Tuffy Rhodes disease, with its attendant free-swinging, lack of team play, and stupid nicknames.

Fact 2:  Rick White didn't lose that ball game.  You look it up, people.  The LP was that kid from Walla Walla with the deer in the headlights look on his face.  Sure, White had negative win probability or negative VORP or whatever but read a box score once in a while.  LP- O'Flaherty.  If anything, McLaren was trying too hard to cater to these young brats, and it bit him.  He's too kind to send O'Flaherty or Rowland-Smith back to Ireland and Australia, and he actually tries to use them.  I bet he's learned from that, and will rely on White more now.  Or maybe pick up Wickman?

Fact 3:  The problems with this team are not of McLaren's making.  He's handed a roster full of kids, from Lopez to Felix to Betancourt to O'Flaherty.  Instead of dealing with this problem, you kids want to excise the good tissue: Vidro, Ibanez, Rick White.   So caught up with minor league stats and past performance that you can't see that EXPERIENCE is the best predictor of success.  Look at Bonds, look at Clemens, look at Schilling.  

Our hopes lie with Vidro.  If Jones is willing to lay a bunt down (and not commit any crimes), then we might actually still have a shot.  McLaren knows this, just like he knows how to deal with experienced professionals (and Mr. McLaren, if you're reading, I'm experienced, and I'm a professional.  I'm ready to be used, you just let me know.  I want to be of assistance).  

I am not married, though I am always looking for experienced, logical people to spend time with.  I am fun to be with.  Must not want kids!  

My family isn't defending me, though, so I can't really let you punch them. :(

"Had a long and interesting chat with John McLaren about you-know-what earlier this afternoon. He had some interesting things to say. And no, he wouldn't do things differently if he had to do it over again. I'll get back to you with that in a bit."