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8/23: Open Game Thread

Tiny by Jeff on in Regular News

First Pitch: 5:35pm PDT

                   

Ichiro CF Catalanotto LF Vidro DH Wilkerson 1B Guillen RF Young "SS" Ibanez Reanimated Corpse Botts DH Beltre 3B Cruz RF Sexson 1B Saltaladhfaksjdfhalksjdfh C Johjima C Murphy CF Lopez 2B Metcalf 3B Betancourt SS Vazquez 2B ---------- ----------

Weaver (5-10, 5.57)         Loe (6-9, 5.56)

Why, I think this calls for another Texas Rangers Middle Infield Update!

Kinsler: .752 OPS, .665 road OPS, -21 UZR (as of a month ago), .826 current range
Young: .776 OPS, .717 road OPS, -17 UZR, .809 current range

Using the trusty RARP + UZR formula, Ian Kinsler is worth +0.5 runs above a replacement-level player over 150 games. Michael Young is at +8.1. For the sake of comparison, Jose Lopez is at +10.6 - terrible offense and all - and Yuniesky Betancourt's at +1.0.

Our second baseman can't hit and our shortstop derives some kind of sick satisfaction from throwing the ball into the dugout, yet we still have the better combo. And we won't be paying either of them $16m a year until they turn 37.

I keep thinking this is going to get old but it never does. In Mitch Hedberg's world, it's like the complete opposite of pancakes.

LET'S GO MARINERS!!

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Mitch Hedberg.
Comedic genius. Rest in peace dude.
"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 12:39 PM PDT   0 recs

Wait what
Mitch Hedberg died?

by Dylan on Aug 23, 2007 12:55 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Yep:
"Late in the evening on March 29, 2005, Hedberg was found dead by his wife in his room at the upscale Westminster Hotel in Livingston, New Jersey. In May 2005 the New Jersey medical examiner's office reported "multiple drug toxicity," including cocaine and heroin, as the official cause of death."
"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 1:02 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Mitch Hedberg did drugs?!?!
Dean! Have you been shooting dope into your scrotum? You can tell me! I'm hip! -Dr. Venture

by PetRock on Aug 23, 2007 1:27 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Yeah, that was pretty obvious.
Kind of like Belushi or Farley...
"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 1:29 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Jesus
I saw him on Comedy Central like a month ago.  Too bad they didn't have an "Encore Performance.  This Guy Is Dead" screen graphic.

by Dylan on Aug 23, 2007 1:49 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Saw him live once, a few months before.
I'm really glad I got to do that.

by Jeff on Aug 23, 2007 1:54 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I'm extremely jealous Jeff...
That must have been a great show.
"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 2:25 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Demetri Martin
is probably the only guy I'd rather see in person.  Hedberg would've been amazing.
Caffeinated Confines

by StevenH on Aug 23, 2007 2:31 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Got to see
Hedberg, Dave Attell, and Lewis Black one show. All very different, yet all hilarious. My sides hurt after that show from laughing

by DCMariner on Aug 23, 2007 2:45 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I link to this every time Mitch comes up
but this is a really good post, and it's written by a guy who rocks.

by Jeff on Aug 23, 2007 2:47 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

So did I

I saw him at the underground a few months before he died, the guy was hilarious.

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer"

RIP man.

by Notor on Aug 23, 2007 4:03 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

is it just me
or do we have a Mitch Hedberg discussion here like every 10 days or so?

I'm not dissing Mitch or anything, and it's great that so many people liked his work (myself included). I just find it slightly weird.

by Matthew on Aug 23, 2007 4:35 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

At least every few months.
There are worse topics of conversation...
"If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit" Mitch Hedberg

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 4:40 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Weak middle infield defense?
You know what this means: more multi hit games for Turbo!

by Gomez on Aug 23, 2007 12:45 PM PDT   0 recs

You'll never see a temporarily out of service sign
for an escalator, just a sign that says escalator temporarily stairs, sorry for the convenience.

by TyranT on Aug 23, 2007 12:49 PM PDT   0 recs

Or the one about blocking the fire exit....
"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 12:51 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

yes
I was in a casino, I was standing by the door, and a security guard came over and said "You're gonna have to move. You're blocking the fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

by thenatural on Aug 23, 2007 1:09 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Exactly!!
That guy sure was funny, too bad he's gone.
"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 1:12 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Mitch Hedberg on Golf
I'm not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying.

What's the par for hitting a guy? One. If you hit a guy in two, you are an asshole

by Nadingo on Aug 23, 2007 1:53 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Semi-creepy
I DL'd a pair of Hedberg's albums last night.

No joke.

Caffeinated Confines

by StevenH on Aug 23, 2007 2:24 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I may steal that line
(or one of his others) to use as my sig.
"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 2:26 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Once I saw a wino...
eating grapes. I said, "Dude, you have to wait."

R.I.P. Mitch

Still not making fun of Willie.

by carcinogen on Aug 23, 2007 2:26 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I once smoked fake pot...
with Peter Frampton.  That was cool...almost as cool as smoking real pot with a guy that looks like Peter Frampton.  I've done that way more.
Still not making fun of Willie.

by carcinogen on Aug 23, 2007 2:27 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

"Fuck you Peter Frampton,
I ain't got shit to say to you!"
"If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit" Mitch Hedberg

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 2:31 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Banana's are the opposite of traffic lights

A green banana means stop, not ready.
A yellow banana means go ahead and eat me
A red banana means....whoa where the fuck did you get that banana?

by Notor on Aug 23, 2007 4:18 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Today's fun fact:
In his last 46 games (178 plate appearances), Reggie Willits is batting .226/.326/.243. His BB/K of 0.54 is down substantially from the 1.24 it was beforehand.

Figured. Out.

by Jeff on Aug 23, 2007 12:54 PM PDT   0 recs

I can imagine the scouting report:
"Throw his strikes and he's powerless!"

by Graham on Aug 23, 2007 12:56 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

We're coming to get you, Anaheim!
Your smoke and mirrors can only last for so long!

Signed,
Fans of team who has puffier smoke and shinier mirrors

by Gomez on Aug 23, 2007 12:56 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Cosigned:
Our veterans who have been through the wars and our team chemistry.

by PDXTai on Aug 23, 2007 1:12 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

now if only
Chone would follow suit and play to his ability

by thenatural on Aug 23, 2007 1:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Or, even better
To his mother's spelling ability.

by Graham on Aug 23, 2007 1:13 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Screw you Chone.
You're not cool, your parents just couldn't figure out how to spell your name correctly.

Asshat.

"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 1:13 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

My friends decided a long time ago...
That we'll never call him Sean or Shawn. It's Chone. Pronounced Ch-o-ne.
Horacio Ramirez is God's gift to whoever the Mariners happen to be playing.

by SethGrandpa on Aug 23, 2007 1:32 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

That's how I pronounce it as well.
"Do not be too hasty in entering that room. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" Dr. Byron Orpheus

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 1:40 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Tigers lose
And now they get the Yankees for four days. Their Wild Card aspirations appear to be finished.

by Jeff on Aug 23, 2007 1:35 PM PDT   0 recs

The Mariners outliving the Tigers
in the playoff hunt.  Who would have thunk.  Not me.

by chrisisasavage on Aug 23, 2007 1:37 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

They're not done yet
I refuse to believe that a team like the Tigers is going to keep struggling like this. I think they'll stick around. Though if they are 6 or more games back by Sept, yeah, they are probably done.

by vkut79 on Aug 23, 2007 1:43 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

They're only 2.5 back of the Indians.
Besides, here's hoping they spring to life and win the series against New York.

by Jeff on Aug 23, 2007 1:46 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

They're still in it

If they drop another game today I think they're pretty much out of the wildcard race, but they could still beat the Indians.

by Notor on Aug 23, 2007 4:13 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Their pitching just turned to shit once June
hit.
These pretzels....are making me thirsty!

by Goose on Aug 23, 2007 1:40 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Look at their staff
Andrew Miller forced into action, AAAA table scraps at the bottom... used to be they could count on soft tossing crapslingers like Maroth and Robertson to hold down the bottom of the rotation, now Robertson's their #2-3 and Maroth's in St Louis.  Camerakiller can't stay healthy, Zumaya and Rodney are/were hurt, the only guy that can stay healthy is Todd freaking Jones, who is the white handlebar moustached version of Eddie... they USED TO have a good pitching staff.

by Gomez on Aug 23, 2007 3:15 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

plus their hitters way overachieved in the first
half and came back to earth after the break.

by Matthew on Aug 23, 2007 4:29 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

No Way
the Tigers are dropping like flies because they went with too many Rookies, and not enough war tested veterans.... take out Miller and Maybin and they'd be leading the division!!!!!!!! </mariner m.o.>

by MfaninAlaska on Aug 23, 2007 4:39 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

We are the last line of defense
from a BOS/NYY post season. We are truly doing god's work right now

by Robert on Aug 23, 2007 1:41 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Lol!
Well said.

by vkut79 on Aug 23, 2007 1:43 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

So if the Mariners end up winning the wildcard
over the Yankees, do you think they will be celebrated as heroes? Because they should.
These pretzels....are making me thirsty!

by Goose on Aug 23, 2007 2:33 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Red should be celebrated as a hero.
If we make the playoffs, he has to be creited for bringing the necessary mojo to the team.
"If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit" Mitch Hedberg

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 2:40 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

s/b "credited"
"If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit" Mitch Hedberg

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 2:40 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

And throw in the fact
That Sheffield is questionable due to his shoulder issues.

by ThundaPC on Aug 23, 2007 2:43 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Jarrod Saltalamacchia
anagrams to...

A Armada Charcoal Jilts

well, that was my favorite

This is me not lurking.

by PhilKenSebben on Aug 23, 2007 2:11 PM PDT   0 recs

WAIT

RIP OFF

Caffeinated Confines

by StevenH on Aug 23, 2007 2:43 PM PDT   0 recs

Go Beer!
oh wait, I'm supposed to be rooting for the Mariners.

by chrisisasavage on Aug 23, 2007 3:07 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

the best beer
Hey Raul, Richie, Vidro please quit. Thank you NB

by InSpokane on Aug 23, 2007 4:14 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Rogue!
Their Shakespeare Stout is my reigning-favorite stout.

by chaney on Aug 23, 2007 3:59 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Oh my god.
Hazelnut Brown Nectar. It's like drinking alcoholic cake. But not in a malt beverage sort of way.

It's great with hazelnut/chocolate Whole Soy frozen yogurt, too, by the way.

by acblue on Aug 23, 2007 5:23 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

So...
when you make a mistake and forget to hit "Reply to This", you can't edit or delete anything?

</attempt to make myself look less like an idiot>

Caffeinated Confines

by StevenH on Aug 23, 2007 2:51 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Nope. It goes into the annals as a screwup.
Forever and ever.
I reject your reality and substitute my own!

by Phildopip on Aug 23, 2007 2:56 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Well then
get used to seeing me reply to myself.
Caffeinated Confines

by StevenH on Aug 23, 2007 2:57 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

What's really great...
Is that, while no one seems to be mentioning it because just a playoff spot is more important, the M's are only 3.5 games out of having the best record in baseball. It would be the most hilariously great thing ever if the M's finished on top. Baseball "experts'" and media outlets' heads would explode.
Horacio Ramirez is God's gift to whoever the Mariners happen to be playing.

by SethGrandpa on Aug 23, 2007 3:33 PM PDT   0 recs

True
Horacio Ramirez is God's gift to whoever the Mariners happen to be playing.

by SethGrandpa on Aug 23, 2007 4:40 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

After our heads exploded
We'd ask for another bar of chocolate. Or, in this case, we'd complain how McLaren cost us the opportunity to set the record for longest winning streak in a season. Then we'd want more chocolate that we could shove down our severed neck.

by PDXTai on Aug 23, 2007 5:18 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen
Post-Modern President's Cup Axiom:  The pro sports team with the best regular season record in the league rarely, if ever, becomes the actual world champion at their respective sport.

by Gomez on Aug 23, 2007 3:37 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

But then if they lose in the playoffs
ESPN and such will talk about how they couldn't "Handle the pressure" and "The Yankees are the best team in the MLB because they've won 26 World Series'"
My name is Matt Foley. I am 35 years old, I am divorced and I live in A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!

by Coach Owens on Aug 23, 2007 3:41 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Knowing how shitty ESPN is,
they'd give us our ten seconds, then move on to the AL East.  Or the ever-popular Vick indictment! YAY!
Caffeinated Confines

by StevenH on Aug 23, 2007 3:39 PM PDT   0 recs

See?
I didn't hit reply.

I'm done.

Caffeinated Confines

by StevenH on Aug 23, 2007 3:40 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I use Reply to This so often
that I get confused when I want to post a regular comment.

by Llewdor on Aug 23, 2007 3:56 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

ESPN
ESPN is no longer carrying any of the baseball playoffs, so once the regular season ends, ESPN will only cover college football and the NFL.  

by G_ on Aug 23, 2007 4:14 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Fox is pretty ECB too, though.
My name is Matt Foley. I am 35 years old, I am divorced and I live in A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!

by Coach Owens on Aug 23, 2007 4:15 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Those UZR numbers...
Do they adjust for Texas' notoriously fast infield?

by chaney on Aug 23, 2007 4:00 PM PDT   0 recs

Well played.
"If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit" Mitch Hedberg

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 4:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

ESPN
is running down their "Top 10 Blowouts".

I hate to bring it up, but my first thought was of the Indians game a few years back.

I'm just glad it wasn't technically a blowout, because now I don't have to watch it. :)

Caffeinated Confines

by StevenH on Aug 23, 2007 4:27 PM PDT   0 recs

This is odd:
Weaver (5-10, 5.57)         Loe (6-9, 5.56)

Almost identical.

"If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit" Mitch Hedberg

by Thingray on Aug 23, 2007 5:09 PM PDT   0 recs