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Around SBN: Explaining Jeremy Lin's Early, Surprising Success

Jered Weaver: Zombie

Not only is his arm coming apart, but his face looks like it came right off the coroner's table.  I'm kind of terrified by him now.

He hungers for brains and catching some sweet rays.

The timetable below outlines the process of an infected human (give or take several hours, depending on the individual).

Hour 1: Pain and discoloration (brown-purple) of the infected area. Immediate clotting of the wound (provided the infection came from a wound).

Hour 5: Fever (99-103 degrees F), chills, slight dementia, vomiting, acute pain in the joints.

Hour 8: Numbing of extremities and infected area, increased fever (103-106 degrees F), increased dementia, loss of muscular coordination.

Hour 11: Paralysis in the lower body, overall numbness, slowed heart rate.

Hour 16: Coma.

Hour 20: Heart stoppage. Zero brain activity.

Hour 23: Reanimation.

I'd say he's around hour 20.

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that is actually scary
WHAT ARE YOU DOING JOHNNY MAC?!?!

by MFAN on Aug 2, 2007 12:55 PM PDT reply actions  

He would have to join the Yankees.
They already have two.

Karstens

Duncan

by Faux on Aug 2, 2007 1:09 PM PDT reply actions  

From his MLB.com photo
not so much.

Pavano

Although he seems to have undergone the transformation from "guido asshole" to walking "wounded" pretty well.

by Faux on Aug 3, 2007 5:14 AM PDT up reply actions  

jeesus
duncan would give freddy krueger (julian tavarez) nightmares
there should be three levels of terror alert: Jesus Christ, Goddammit, and fuck me! -LB

by Bearskin Rugburn on Aug 2, 2007 1:12 PM PDT reply actions  

Duncan looks like
a zombie version of Jesse Litsch.

by Llewdor on Aug 2, 2007 3:23 PM PDT up reply actions  

We all know that...
Litsch's gameday photo is both creepy and funny as hell, but did he start doing 'roids recently or something?  His photo makes him look like a goofy, skinny, albino whiteboy, but when the M's last play against him, he looked like a goofy, 'roid-bulked, albino whiteboy.  Seriously, something's up...
"Adam Jones IS better than you...yeah, I'm talking to you, Raul!"

by wwbaker3 on Aug 2, 2007 3:37 PM PDT up reply actions  

I always told my girlfriend...
I want my death to come at the hands of a zombie.  I have to go to a Weaver family reunion.  I would love to roam the earth eating brains and rooting for the Mariners.

I wish you could see how people would look as zombies kinda like what they do with The Simpsons.

Herpes...The gift that keeps on giving!

by RED29 on Aug 2, 2007 1:19 PM PDT reply actions  

HEYYY YOUUUU GUYYYYSSSS!!!!
Those Yanks look like Sloth from The Goonies!!!!

by Rizo on Aug 2, 2007 1:59 PM PDT reply actions  

my arm looks like that when i pitch
my uncle has a professional camera, and whenever i look at the pictures my arm is all bulging weird lie that

by mariners124m on Aug 2, 2007 2:16 PM PDT reply actions  

I was thinking last night...
That Weaver, from behind, looked liked Mitch Kramer during the Little League scene in "Dazed and Confused."

by Aaron Campeau on Aug 2, 2007 2:19 PM PDT reply actions  

Let's not forget another fat turd...
Yankee "hot prospect" Joba Chamberlain and his stupid pic
"Adam Jones IS better than you...yeah, I'm talking to you, Raul!"

by wwbaker3 on Aug 2, 2007 3:15 PM PDT reply actions  

Jesus!
If you're getting your picture taken for the team, wouldn't you at least attempt to not look like a total dork?!?
"I'm not familiar with this type of... thing I'm seeing"

by Thingray on Aug 2, 2007 3:20 PM PDT up reply actions  

His name is Joba
think he really cares about anything?
against Vegas reliever Casey Hoorelbeke, whose ancestors clearly couldn't spell Hurlbeck properly.

by Christian on Aug 2, 2007 3:50 PM PDT up reply actions  

Looking at him I thought
his name was Jabba, as in "the Hutt".
"I'm not familiar with this type of... thing I'm seeing"

by Thingray on Aug 2, 2007 3:54 PM PDT up reply actions  

The creepiest thing here
is that I'm seeing a Google Ad for some excema remedy with a really gross picture of some feet with open sores.

by Llewdor on Aug 2, 2007 3:22 PM PDT reply actions  

Dude!
I just ate lunch! I didn't need that image going through my head!
"I'm not familiar with this type of... thing I'm seeing"

by Thingray on Aug 2, 2007 3:26 PM PDT up reply actions  

What kind of zombie is he?
The old classic movies kind that likes to eat brains. Or the Night/Dawn/Day/Land of the Living Dead kind that feeds on flesh?
I am not Coach Owens!

by Coach Owens on Aug 2, 2007 5:32 PM PDT reply actions  

Something tells me...
that Jered Weaver doesn't move that fast.

That said, I imagine this can only mean MORE of that Zombie Nation song playing at Safeco.

by Garces on Aug 2, 2007 6:05 PM PDT up reply actions  

Get it off your chests
RRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I will not make jokes in my sig. I will not make jokes in my sig. I will not...

by TIF @ Lookout Landing on Aug 3, 2007 12:54 AM PDT reply actions  

Heh.
I reject your reality and substitute my own!

by Phil Hatzenbuehler on Aug 3, 2007 9:15 AM PDT reply actions  

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