69-52

People always talk about how David defeated Goliath, but nobody ever mentions all the other Davids that Goliath had stomped prior to the noteworthy showdown. There's a reason the event is so celebrated - it was the exception to the rule, the rule by which Goliath decimated his puny opponents. Goliath was a rock star, and like Bill Buckner, it's a shame that his enduring legacy is the one stain on an otherwise impeccable career.

The Mariners, like every other sports franchise on the planet, have long been striving to achieve Goliathian status, but the necessary condition there is that you need to beat up on the weaker adversaries, something the Mariners have struggled to do. This, though, is a step in the right direction. The White Sox are a textbook David, and they got their asses destroyed at the hands of a superior competitor. The Mariners are now 9-3 in their stretch against weak teams, with another seven games to go before the set against the Angels. Goliath? Not yet, but we're closer than we were.

(Of course, if we do ever manage to get there, we should hope for a better ending to the story. Otherwise that'd be a total buzzkill.)

Biggest Contribution: Jose Guillen, +24.4%
Biggest Suckfest: Jose Lopez, -3.0%
Most Important At Bat: Guillen funk blast, +15.5%
Most Important Pitch: Owens triple, -12.2%
Total Contribution by Pitcher(s): +5.9%
Total Contribution by Position Players: +40.6%
Total Contribution by Opposition: +3.5%

(What is this chart?)

I'm sitting this one out due to (legitimate) flu-like symptoms. Falling asleep in the middle innings of an awesome game should've been my first clue that something was wrong. Or maybe it's just my body's way of preparing for the horror that is tomorrow's pitching matchup. Anyone know any bounty hunters? The time for more reasonable solutions has long since passed.