Speaking of whom, it's "Corr-dair-oh", not "Corr-dorr-uh". That's for you, Hendu. Take notes.

Felix's problem, according to Hendu: he doesn't have a "mean streak."

This guy gets paid to angry up the blood. There's no other explanation.

'Oh Boy Obertie?'

Hendu is an illiterate jackass.

Hey, Hendu.

The Expos don't exist anymore.

Really? Does Rivera want the ball on the ground, Hendu? I couldn't tell. Him smacking the dirt is just so confusing and cryptic.

Hendu knew his stuff when talking about outfield defense, and that's all I'm going to say about him, since I'm being nice today.

Without MLB.tv graphics, Hendu sounds like he's just ranting about nothing at all.
-----
there are no graphics. he is just ranting about nothing
-----
Oh.

How unsettling.

4.8 and 4.4 are NOT similar ERAs, Hendu. Holy beings have pity.

- - 7th Inning, Safeco Field Beer Garden - -

So a buddy of mine and I were lavishing Wee Willie with derisive comments last night out in center field, just within earshot of a somewhat inebriated Dave Henderson.  After talking about the merits of having Willie and Greg Dobbs on the roster, Dave promptly told me that I "should not blame the problems of the team on the backups."  

Now I could blame this on the beer that he was swilling, or the fact that he was blatently hitting on another guy's girlfriend (with the guy right there!), but it just upholds the fact that players, fans, managers and yes, even dimwitted fomer player/color commentators even miss what they're seeing because of their emotions.

It should be noted, however that he doesn't always believe what he says on the air.  He conceded that roughly half of it was complete BS.
...
He also threatened to whack me with his world series ring if I ragged on Dobbs or Bloomquist more.  Since I probably would have to appear in court in Seattle when I sued him, I opted to let him run his mouth and make himself look like an ass.

The Special Olympics were created to make Hendu feel less alone in the world.

HE STRUCK OUT ON A BREAKING BALL

WHOEVER ENCOURAGED HENDU TO PURSUE BROADCASTING IS AS GUILTY AS HENDU HIMSELF

Did Hendu just advocate throwing at somebody on a 0-2 count?

Hendu's favorite sentence prefix: That's why they call it.

As in, "that's why they call it average," "that's why they call it the hot corner," and "that's why they call it professional baseball."
-----
I wonder if Hendu ever gets stuck in a recursive loop:

That's why they call it that's why they call it that's why they call it that's why they call it that's why they call it that's why they call it ...
-----
LOL Hendu Remix

THATTHATTHATTHAT THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT
THATTHATTHATTHAT THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT
THATTHATTHATTHAT THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT
P-R-O PROFESSIONAL ::scratch scratch DRUM & BASS::....

Sixth inning:
Rick Rizzs: "Justin Leone is on the bench today, just called up from Tacoma."
Dave Henderson: "Don't forget about Dobbs!"

Well, I can't really capture the way he said it in plain text - it was hasty and excited, like when you walk out of the restroom after dinner at a restaurant and notice that the group of friends you came with are already near the door, and you shout at them to wait up while running in their direction and stumbling over other peoples' feet. If I were in the booth with Hendu, I probably would've replied with something like "Yeah, and what if I do forget about Dobbs?" And then we'd start bickering, and the rest of the broadcast would be brimming with sarcasm and awkward silences.

Hendu preaching the value of walks.

I think my ears are on inside-out.

Mark Loretta is the big out in this Boston line-up because he hits in front of David Ortiz.

Uhh, wouldn't that somewhat imply that David Ortiz is the big out this Boston line-up?

Hendu's a great guy and a charitable person, which makes it difficult for me to wish he suffers some debilitating injury.

How is it that Red can talk about playing in the World Series and actually sound reverent and humble, while Hendu just sounds like an arrogant jackass?

Who the hell is Lorado?

Thats the 10th time I've heard Hendu randomly say that name.

Actually, Hendu, they call it a 25 man roster because there are 25 men on it.

Quote Hendu:

This guy is 'on the roll' as Pineiro and Meche are.

On the roll.

The roll.

"One of the premier closers in the game: Cabrera, Francisco Cabrera."

Hendu started his 4/20 celebration a week early and he's going to continue a week late.

Yes! Hendu's average comment appears at the 19:34 mark, local time. Who was closest in the pool?

There's four corners to a strike zone

Hendu confirms that the zone is, in fact, quadrilateral, rather than the demonic pentagram that many had feared.

is it important that I as a viewer see that Dave Henderson reads books?  Anyone with a clue knows Hendu is illiterate and that that is total crap.

Some people say those numbers will return to average, others say the numbers mean something. In this case, they mean Ichiro likes to hit off CC.

Hendu musta done a lotta drinking in his day to kill off that many brain cells.

Hendu said something smart. It's a Christmas miracle!

Hendu on Corey:

He used to be a baseball player before he was a pitcher.

GUHHHHHHH NO IT IS NOTTTTTT IMPORTANT THAT GIL MECHE HAS MANAGED TO HANG AROUND THIS BALLGAME. GIL MECHE SUCKS!!!! WE WOULD ALL BE BETTER OFF WITH GIL MECHE DOING AN INTERPRETIVE DANCE OF HIS CURVEBALL RATHER THAN ACTUALLY THROWING IT! SHUT THE q#&(#@qhwkehr(#yroiuheoiuweqyr(#y(#Y098374 HENDU

Hendu giggles like a little girl. He went into little fits when the camera panned to show a puppy in the bleachers (it was Dog Day at the stadium), and later when it showed some fat kid eating Dippin' Dots. You know how when other people are laughing, it makes you want to laugh as well? Yeah, well, to the guy in the room next to mine, the seventh inning must have sounded like the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Can someone please jam a pen into Dave Henderson's throat. Thanks.

Hendu's made up word of the day: Aquaccuations

Hendu making fun of Carl

Here's hoping Everett ends our Hendu problem once and for all after the game.

Hendu is killing my love of baseball

Henduism: A veteran hitter know that when you get your pitch, it's a bad idea to foul it back.

SINCE WHEN does a hitter GET THE IDEA to foul a pitch back?  "Hmm, fastball in the wheelhouse.... I'VE GOT AN IDEA: I'll foul it back into the screen!  That's the ticket!"

Dave Henderson spent a good two or three minutes talking about Jason Kendall's powerful handshake. I'm dead serious. Later on, he used "adrenalated" in a sentence and, evidently having taken a liking to the word, used it two more times before a commercial break forced him to shut up. Hendu's Sunday to-do list: Use real words.

surprise surprise

the fan of the game is a woman. I'm keeping track of this from now on.

ewwww Hendu, creepy.
-----
Come onnnnnnnn...

Come onnnnn...
-----
I'm lost on this reference

help anyone?
-----
That's what Hendu was saying when they were showing the fan of the game for some reason.

"Curveballs get hit farther than fastballs."

Dave Henderson needs to accompany Carl on his voyage back to the mother galaxy.

As Hendu says, a walk is a rally. Give up a home run, but don't walk him.

Hendu talking about averages again

Fun with Hendu:

Hargrove's been using the ol' magician's basket today.

A Google search for "magician's basket" yields one result. This is a step down from his problems with "adrenalated" on Saturday.

Hey, Hendu.

The J in Jimenez doesn't sound like a normal J. Have you met any hispanic people before?

Hendu (on Moyer): "When you throw 200 innings, no one remembers how old you are."
Me: "Actually, as far as Moyer is concerned, I think that's the first thing anyone ever talks about, and it's usually something like 'he's 43 years old, he couldn't possibly throw another 200 innings.'"

Dave Henderson is a fucking idiot.

There is no trade deadline. You can make trades 365 days of the year.

Hendu went to the Tony Muser School of Brains.

Yeah Hendu.

The Angels don't play at Disneyland.

I don't know which thing about Hendu annoys me more - the way he stumbles over simple sentences, the way he makes up his own spur-of-the-moment nonsensical colloquialisms, or the way he just gets things totally wrong. An example of #1: every other thing he says. An example of #2: "(Donnelly)'s getting loose like you get ready to catch a train." An example of #3: "Tim Salmon introduced himself to Guardado last night with a big home run." (Salmon has faced Guardado 26 times in his career, more than anyone else on the team.) What makes it worthwhile is that I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way. In the absence of Ron Fairly, Dave Niehaus was forced to work with Hendu again, and early in the game you got the feeling that he really wasn't enjoying himself. Before they switched off the announcer mics between innings, you either heard total silence or Dave muttering to himself about things I probably won't understand until I'm however old he is. There's not much chemistry there, which makes it fun to try and pay special attention to the announcer dynamic when the game starts dragging.

Two words Hendu knows that we don't: Maxillary diastema.

Ugh. It's gotten to the point where Hendu's voice actively makes me enjoy the game less.

I swear, Fairly's going to sock Hendu in the kisser.

NO, HENDU SEXSON SHOULD NOT NAME HIS KID HENDU.  Unless it has Bell's Palsy.

Hendu's like that friend everyone had in there group of friends that was just there so everyone could make fun of him

What the hell is Hendu rambling on about?

I don't think he knows there's a game going on.

Heard from Hendu's bedroom last night

OH, OH, FSN TRACER! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! DAMN, YOU'RE ALMOST AS GOOD AS THE SLOW MOTION CAMERA! OH FUCK YEAH! TRRAAACCCEERRRRRRRRRRR!

Hendu: Johjima has caught every game the Mariners have played.
Dave: Well, that's only three.
Hendu: ...
Dave: ...

New Mariner Broadcast Drinking Game:

-Take a shot every time Dave Valle or Hendu say "that's why they call it the hot corner" after a well-struck grounder or line drive to third base.

I have no idea what Hendu is talking about.

Water is wet.

Hendu, on pitching: "You have to give Waechter a lot of credit, (Everett) hit a home run the last time on an inside fastball but (Waechter) went right back in there."

When testing the mic did Hendu say:

"Vladi Vladi...we like to party"??? and "We're hot we're hot...you're not you're not"???

Rizzs: And the A's continue...to score runs.
Hendu: And do a lot of things right, too.

One of the most irritating things a person can do is make a joke and then immediately call attention to the joke by laughing at it or saying something to the effect of "now that's funny." Not only is it a dead giveaway that the person isn't very confident in his jokes (probably because he doesn't tell many good ones), but it also ruins any kind of subtlety present in the wordplay or delivery. Put another way, it's a great way to spoil a great joke. With that in mind, I present to you Dave Henderson, circa the third inning:

I think I'm going to give up golfing. ...until the next time I play. How 'bout that!

I didn't even have time to think "well that was actually somewhat clever" before he went and wrecked it. I haven't groaned that loud in years. Fortunately Hendu was able to salvage the broadcast by rattling off a string of knee-slappers in the ninth about how Julio Mateo has a valuable rubber arm and that Hargrove shouldn't be afraid to put him in a tie ballgame.

Hendu on Hammond:

"This guy's ERA is sub-zero at 1.45."

Hendu?

Is he a logger?  What was that little rundown about wood properties?

Things Dave Henderson said about the NL today: "They stink." "We're better." "They're the inferior league." One wonders how far he would've gone had Rick Rizzs not quickly cut him off. "Guys in the National League are a bunch of spineless pussies" probably wasn't out of the question.