Here's a list of things the Mariners can do to improve next year, rather than pay high priced free agents or trade the farm for players that are already past their primes.
- Immediately fire John McLaren and replace him with Rambo.
- Get Adam Jones the Sword of Power so he can transform into He-Man.
- Teach Willie to throw a wicked breaking knuckleball, then plug him in the rotation.
- Replace the Moose with rabid Wolverines and place them in a (easily escapable) cages around the benches in the opposing teams dugout.
- Have a high powered laser pointer night.
- Have Stink Bomb/Bottle rocket, LA Angel/Red Sox/Yankee Voodoo Doll, Free Spider Monkey, and Super Soaker full of Moose urine nights.
- Invest heavily in gene doping technology before the MLB catches on.
- Replace Raul Ibanez and Jarrod Washburn with a Terminator replicas programmed to play baseball at an elite level.