No Mariner News, No Problem
by Trent on Jan 4, 2007 11:40 PM PST
in Seattle Mariners News, Regular
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PrintIt's been pretty boring in Marinerland over the past couple weeks, especially since Bavasi hasn't found any mediocre free agents to overpay or declining veterans to trade for. This was the perfect time for Jeff to take his vacation, spending four weeks gallivanting around Europe rarely, if ever, thinking about Mariner baseball while the rest of us still cautiously check sports websites throughout our day hoping that there won't be any new Mariner news.
So with the lack of any new Mariner related news or topics, there hasn't been much for those handling the reins of LoL to talk about. Which leads us to today's post. Yesterday, Positive Paul and I were passing time at our respective jobs shooting the collective breeze when Paul made up a humorous Mariners baseball slogan (listed below) and an idea struck me like JJ Putz fastball to the temple. I figured that with today being a Friday on a short work week following the holidays, it would be a good idea to have a little creative fun and allow everyone to release their frustrations from the current offseason (and even past few seasons) and create their own version of what they believe the 2007 Mariners slogan should be.
So have fun. Here are a couple thrown out there to get those creative juices following:
"Mariners baseball..."
- "The sound of one-hand clapping." - courtesy of PositivePaul
- "You'll come for the Willie." - courtesy of PositivePaul
- "My, oh my." (Actually, this was last years actual quote and it ironically fits)
- "If the raw fish in the IchiRoll doesn't kill you, the baseball will."
- "What a show...of incompetence."
- "Haven't you had enough?"
- "Sodo Notto." - (Weak translation - Baseball south of downtown smells like crap).
- This is more of a TV commercial but allow me to set the scene anyway.
An older woman is sitting in a rocking chair watching a Mariner game. The camera zooms in on the television, showing the bases loaded with Mariners and Adrian Beltre up to bat. The opposing pitcher makes his pitch the screen goes black, the crack of a bat is heard. Dave Niehaus' excited voice follows with:
"Get out the rye bread and the mustard, Grandma," and the television screen comes back only to show an Adrian Beltre foul out to the first baseman to end the inning. Niehaus continues:
"and invite the family over for Matlock reruns over salami sandwiches and save them the $200-300 they would've spent at the ballpark."
- "Get all of it...and then wish you could give it all back."
- "Come for the baseball, leave with narcolepsy."
- Enter Don LaFontaine's voice - "Every so often a team of destiny emerges to take the nation by surprise. No, it's not the Mariners; I'm just making an open-ended statement. But please come spend your money anyway."
- "45% of the time, we win everytime."
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Given the falling attendance ...
Mariners baseball. Get close to the action.
Another baseball
Mariners Baseball: Stickin' Around. During the commercial they could even bring up Stayin' Alive in the background with the new lyrics, and show the Dancing Groundskeepers doing a disco style routine.
Off the top of my head
off the top of my head
...if you love the rooting for the underdog, we're for you.
...Making sure non-Microsoft locals can afford to retire on Lake Washington.
...well Safeco is still cool right?
...hey we're a heck of a lot better than the Sonics.
...yeah we are still trying to win.
...The best baseball in the northwest.
...Trying to see who is either ignorant or a hopeless fan.
Only thing I can think of
by jimmimoose1 on Jan 5, 2007 1:56 AM PST reply actions
Slogans
Goodbye Baseball!
Your 2007 Mariners--the anti-amphetamine!
Seattle, Washington: where the kids are all above average and the outs are all productive.
No matter where you go, this is one year you won't miss a single Mariner playoff game--we guarantee!
by Celadus on Jan 5, 2007 2:04 AM PST reply actions
Mariners baseball...
...where four singles isn't a run, it's the price of coffee.
...if you can't beat 'em, who cares?
...where people bring more "U"s to the ballpark than "K"s.
...because 5,237 Bremertonians can't be wrong.
...it's 60.6 feet to home plate, we've got a full set of bases, half an inning left, it's dark and raining, and Putz's jogging in from the bullpen. HIT IT!
Mariners Baseball...
...well, we tried.
...let's face it, who else are you going to support?
..missing since 2004: if found, please return to Safeco Field. Thanks.
...made bearable by Lookout Landing.
...welcome to the (career) Twilight Zone.
Mariners Baseball...
It's not just for insomnia anymore...
Building winning records for opposing teams since Bavasi came to town....
Sucks.
A few more...
"Where we really do believe that the Star Spangled Banner begins: 'Jose can you see?'..."
One more I thought of this morning:
"...At least we got rid of Pineiro"
Seattle Mariners Baseball.
Mariners Baseball
"Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion! Upset stomach, Diarrhea"
"3 free psychiatrist visits with every season ticket package"
"Bavasi. At least he's not Matt Millen"
"Making you happy by keeping expectations low since 2004"
For years I've said
by spiegs00 on Jan 5, 2007 9:08 AM PST reply actions
Mariners Baseball...
Beautiful
Mariners Baseball
"Launching successful careers for our former players"
"Well.....nevermind"
"Come see the farm team for all of Major League Baseball"
"We still smell better than the Ivar's"
I had debated that one
Mariner Baseball
Shout out!
...but our blogosphere rocks!
With appologies to Jagger/Richards
It's like that...
Surprises not included!
Favor the Bold
Old School Slogans Updated
"Playin' hardball . . . but pitching softballs"
And if Skippy Nordquist is still alive:
"When it all began . . . to look the same"
Mariner Baseball
20% More Garlic Than 2006!
Favor the Bold
slogans
Your Mariners: Batteries included! (but they're the wrong size, and dead anyway)
The 06-07 offseason: You can't make this shit up!
Safeco field: The future home of the 2012 World Champs! (though none of the current players will actually be on that team)
Mariners Baseball
Mariners baseball
... welcome to the House that Manto built!
... rainout-free baseball in the Northwest!
... parking has never been easier!
... it's buntiful!
... enjoy the breeze -- not just from our bats!
... what's YOUR excuse?
Mariners Baseball...
... 2007: Commemorating the 25th Anniversary of Gaylord Perry's 300th Game.
... Moose-tastic!
... Can't ya feel it in the air?!
... Buhner Buzz Cuts Every Night!
... Play your part. Let's beat 636,276!
... Hey!, it could be worse!
... 2007: Celebrating 18 years of Argyros Free Baseball!
--------
The Dark Ages, a reminder:
(from Baseball Library.com)
"Argyros was described by then-NL president A. Bartlett Giamatti as "the James Watt of baseball" (after Reagan's Secretary of the Interior). The deforestation of the Mariners under Argyros has included the trades of such stars as Bill Caudill, Shane Rawley, Ivan Calderon, Danny Tartabull, Phil Bradley, and Mark Langston for a few overage catchers and minor leaguers unlikely to become major league stars. When Argyros bought the Mariners in 1981, he made himself the focus of an advertising campaign called "Playing Hardball" and promised to stamp the team with his own personality. When he sold the franchise in 1989, the Mariners had yet to have their first winning season. A friend of former Commissioner Peter Ueberroth, Argyros has led the major leagues in fiscal restraint, with the lowest salaries to go with the lowest winning percentage. Having the parsimony of a Calvin Griffith without the baseball acumen, Argyros has hired executives from his real estate and airline investments rather than baseball people. His managerial genius was best demonstrated in the 1986-87 off-season when the Mariners gave all their players salary cuts (including the few who played well), and then suggested they attend seminars on positive thinking."
by KC @ Lookout Landing on Jan 5, 2007 3:02 PM PST reply actions
I know you didn't say it, but
by Jed C on Jan 5, 2007 4:28 PM PST up reply actions
Very true
by KC @ Lookout Landing on Jan 5, 2007 9:39 PM PST up reply actions
Mariners baseball theme song
Can you name the team with JJ Putz,
looks like a contender and kicks you in the nuts!
M's baseball! M's baseball!
Well, Willie B makes M's fans frown,
It's the quad-A team built by a clown!
M's baseball! (yeah!) M's baseball!
[Bavasi] Hey-Hey!
[voiceover] The commissioner of baseball has ruled the Mariners unfit for American or National league play.
M's baseball!
With our off-season, your hope died,
So we'll use Putz until his arm's fried!
M's baseball! M's baseball!
We take players the Nats want to dump!
Unexplained wins are a matter for the ump!
M's baseball! M's baseball! (Yeah!)
Felix teases everyone with his one-hit games,
He's a hard-throwing, fastball-loving,
eating machine!
M's baseball! Oh! Whoa! M's baseball! (Yeah!)
Go M's baseball!
Whoa M's baseball!
Whoa!
Mariners Baseball
Mariner Baseball: Baldly going where no team has gone before.
Mariners Baseball
"We are a better team than last year."
"We got our big bat!"
"We gotta win some ballgames."
And of course
"All we have to do is keep the ball down."
Mariners Baseball...
... 45% of the time, we play winning baseball.
by MsFan on Jan 10, 2007 6:43 PM PST reply actions
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