That is sickening. But I think we already new that Lincoln was more concerned about keeping the team out of the red than building a competitive club. I just hate that he isn't afraid to admit it.

Howard Lincoln should coin the phrase "Fuzzyball" (sounds bad, doesn't it?) to describe scouting talent for the essentials of a warm and fuzzy team:

Here are the metrics:

NTFH - Non-threatening facial hair (why do you think Scott Spiezio is no longer on the team? It has nothing to do with his .050 batting average) Leader for 2005 M's: Yuniesky Betancourt

ERCA - Perenially elligible for the Roberto Clemente Award (number of awards divided by years of major leage service)
Leader for 2005 M's: Jamie Moyer

BNNA - Bad nickname average (Sexson doesn't fall into this, because the Mariners refuse to acknowledge the greatness of "Big Sexy")
Leader for 2005 M's: None.

AA - Attractiveness average (Get people swooning, and you get attendance)
Leader for 2005 M's: I've oft heard Richie Sexson is tops in this category

BDE - Big doe eyes (surface area of the eyeballs divided by the surface area of the face. Matt Thornton leads the team in BDE)
Leader for 2005 M's: Matt Thornton

FMA - Family man average (this is number of wives divided by number of children...the smaller the decimal, the better the FMA)
Leader for 2005 M's: Jamie Moyer